Wednesday, July 31, 2002
I officially registered for classes today for the Fall 2002 semester. Community college is great. Cheap, conveniently close, and you can stop and continue as much as you want. I am taking 9 units, along with my 50 hour work week, so I should be rather busy. Good. Busy is what I need. I get too depressed when I've got nothing to do.
Hi, my name is Bob the Builder and I have a fucking expensive CD out in stores. My nephew, niece and God son are having a birthday party this weekend and my God son just loves this character named Bob the Builder. I've never heard of him, I seriously thought he was just some imaginary friend he made up. Anyway, he loves this guy so I bought him this CD so he can jam to him. Good lawrd it's more expensive than most albums out there. Sheesh.
So the father of my son and I are on good terms again. We talked a couple nights ago for a few hours and also tonight for an hour or so. August 1 is what would have been our 1 year marriage anniversary. I'm glad we're still good friends. I can't wait to see them in October.
_end session @ 11:50 PM PST
Monday, July 29, 2002
And I blamed it all on my brother because he had went into my room while I was at work and used my laptop without my consent, and since it was working fine last night, of course the only logical reason it would have gone to shit is because he did something to it right?
Well, first off, the desktop theme was set to Windows classic instead of Windows XP. Then, I couldn't get on the net for the life of me. I couldn't even open my device manager. Lots of shit was wrong. I was getting so mad and I yelled at my brother for fucking up my computer.
I'm doing this and that trying to fix it, when suddenly I remember that last night I had selected Diagnostic Startup in the System Config Utility. Why I did that, I have no clue. I think I was just curious as to what it would do. Heh, well now I know. Not loading my fucking drivers is what it does. So I changed it back to normal startup, voila, everything fixed. Yay.
Alrighty then. Time to continue doing my grown-up stuff on my grown-up laptop.
_end session @ 10:18 PM PST
Click here to read the juicy blog.
(e-mail for access.)
_end session @ 02:36 PM PST
Sunday, July 28, 2002
Click here to read the juicy blog.
(e-mail for access.)
_end session @ 04:33 PM PST
Saturday, July 27, 2002
There are some days I just do not feel like being nagged and I will rip you a new asshole if you even try. Today is one of them.
_end session @ 02:13 PM PST
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
An opinion is arguably the worst and best thing ever invented. Worst because they're like assholes, everyone has them but not everyone wants to see them. The best because it is what seperates you from the rest. So where is this subject going? I don't know, just thought I'd share my ponderings for the evening.
I'm in my hotel room at our annual seminar. I haven't a clue why, but I've always enjoyed staying in hotel rooms. Even when I was a little kid and my family would take trips to Las Vegas, I'd much rather stay in the hotel room than go to the arcade area at the Circus Circus hotel. Maybe it's the fact that I can live in it and not have to worry about cleaning up after myself when I'm done. Our seminar is always fun. I think I mentioned before that tomorrow night is Karaoke night and Jamie and I are going to ROOL THE SCHOOL. For the not-knowins' - Jamie is my boss who throws regular karaoke parties at his house.
Oh shit, just remembered, I gotta put my parking pass in my car before my car gets towed away. Doh.. brb.
Damn, could the parking lot BE any further from the entrance? I forgot my flats in my trunk so I walked all the way to my car in my heels, not fun.
I have to work now, so bye.
_end session @ 09:18 PM PST
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Ahh the wonders of portable blogging. It's just too bad I had to go out and buy a freakin' 50 foot RJ45 cable because I still can't get my wireless network set up.
*looks outside window
Why the fuck is someone skateboarding around my neighborhood at 12am? Some of my neighbors can be so damn rude. My window faces the street (I like being able to see what's going on if someone tries to fuck around in my front yard) and it's always open. There are instances anywhere between 3am-7am where someone is honking their horn repeatedly to get their party's attention. You don't fucking do that! You get your lazy ass out of your car and get them, or call them on your damn cell phone. You do not honk your horn in the middle of the night while insomniacs such as I are getting their rare hours of sleep. My house is in a gated community, there is virtually no traffic noise and I don't need unnecessary noise trying to make up for the quiet.
Gawd I'm a bitch.
Today at work I was a royal bitch. Don't get me wrong, there are times where I've been quite blunt and mean, but today takes the cake. My dimwitted coworker comes up to me, 2 days before our fucking seminar, saying "I need 85 of your ballot boxes." Huh. First of all, I use these ballot boxes strictly for the personalized raffle boxes that my franchisees order, I order them about 200 at a time, they are not cheap and I go through them rather quickly. Second of all, she's basically asking me for half of my fucking stock, 2 fucking days before she needs them. These fucking ballot boxes take weeks to arrive after you've ordered. If she wasn't such a dumbass and told me earlier, I wouldn't have been so irritated. I honestly think that if it were anyone else asking me for the boxes, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but there is just something about this chick that gets on my last nerve. Sorry, I don't expect readers to understand why I'd get so worked up about boxes, but trust me, she should have told me earlier that she needed so many.
I am watching Bridget Jones's Diary right now. What a freakin' cute movie. Renee Zellwhateverthefuck looks so gross as a chunky brit and I can't stand her pseudo english accent, but nonetheless, still a cute movie. Hugh Grant is lovely.
*yawn
Suddenly I am addicted to Solitaire. The other night I would not quit until I finally beat a game drawing three cards instead of one. I'm talking about basic Solitaire on the computer. That shit is hard (drawing three).
First sign of loneliness - addiction to solitaire.
_end session @ 12:19 AM PST
Sunday, July 21, 2002
As much as I hate to admit it, I write a lot about being brokenhearted and being a weak pussy and all that crap. But in reality, I've convinced myself I'm above all that emotional bullshit and I'm not some girly girl whose heart and mind can easily be messed with.
Not true.
I am a weak pussy. I cry. A lot. Although only 3 people on this earth have ever seen me cry, I do cry a lot. It's not just slight tearing either. It's a painful sob. If anyone heard me cry they'd think someone was chopping off my fingers and toes. The pain starts in my finger tips, works its way up my arms and shoulders, doubles in size at my neck, which then opens the flood gates in my eye balls. The pain can't come out fast enough so it works down to my chest, my heart and stomach. I go over and over in my mind how different I would have handled situations if I could rewind time. I clutch my pillow like a fucking baby hoping I can somehow transfer my emotions to an inanimate object and free myself from the misery. I do it everytime, and everytime, it doesn't work. The pain stays trapped inside me and proceeds to eat away at my heart. Suddenly, waking up in the morning does not seem so important. I lay there and pity myself. I am for sure the only person in the world who feels this much agony. No one is allowed to be happy while I am sad.
But it can't be that way. It can't. I cannot go through life this way thinking I will only find happiness in an intimate relationship. My happiness and satisfaction within myself must come first, then and only then will I be able to strip the weak pussy banner off my chest and be the strong person I really want to be.
Having said that, I am still heartbroken... but I am on the path towards recovery and self satisfaction... I promise you that.
_end session @ 10:51 PM PST
My house has excellent acoustics, and on mellow days such as today I like to blast my broadway music on the stereo hearing it echo throughout the house. I don't mean showtunes, I mean the ballads from musicals such as Miss Saigon (my all-time personal favorite, seen it thrice), Les Misérables, Phantom & Jeckyll & Hyde. Their voices are so powerful, flawless and the original score is phenomenal. I can't wait until Miss Saigon plays in LA again.
_end session @ 02:12 PM PST
Don't fall in love with a stubborn man.
_end session @ 11:04 AM PST
To make things worse, I receive an email today from the person that was involved in my humiliation. She said "I really hope you don't feel badly, these things happen all the time and I don't want you to think I'm upset"... GAWD, could I be any more embarassed? To think it was that prevalent in her mind that she had to email me about it. *hyperventilates*.. thank the lawd this work week is only two days long and Wednesday we'll be too busy at the seminar to even talk about it.
_end session @ 12:04 AM PST
Saturday, July 20, 2002
On my way home I always drive by the mailbox first because it's too far to walk and too silly to get in your car and drive to the mailbox just to get the mail. I got out of the car, got my mail and quickly sorted through it. I hear a car with loud music drive by slowly, I can see a guy hanging out of the car window from the corner of my eye, then he says "damn, look at that fine ass"... whoa whoa, back the truck up. Me? No one ever hits on me. Ever. Was he simply being sarcastic? Was he blinded by the bright sun? Or did he just have bad taste? Possible.
To ease my painful tonsils I gargled some warm water with salt. Usually works like a charm but this time it made it worse. I dread swallowing and I have to literally stop what I'm doing so I can grab on to something while I swallow.
I had a whole entry about religion planned but I'll do that one tomorrow. Night.
_end session @ 11:25 PM PST
Ants are the most annoying creatures on this planet earth. The most annoying because they are common, travel in large groups, and ruin perfectly good picnics. It's summer in LA, and living in the valley feels like hell on earth. There's nothing worse than coming home from a long day at work only to see a line of ants molesting the glass of water on your nightstand. Water for crying out loud. Are the ants that desperate that they need to mooch off my water now?!
There was a karaoke party at my boss's house last night. It was, as usual, very fun up until I experienced the most humiliating moment of my 20 years as a homosapien. Too humiliating to speak of. I might write about it in my raw files later when I've gotten over it. I am forever scarred.
My tonsils are still swollen and swallowing still hurts. Guh.
There's a big empty wall in the loft of my house that is crying out for a vintage print. I still need to get the vintage King Kong movie poster he gave me for my birthday in a nice frame. It'll look good on this narrow wall in my bedroom. I predict myself always being reminded of him when I look at it. Damn it. I never win.
_end session @ 06:33 PM PST
Friday, July 19, 2002
Tuesday: Unexplained and sudden vomiting; insomnia; cold sweat; migraine from hell
Wednesday: Migraine gone to hell and back; swollen tonsils due to insomnia
Thursday: Tonsils still swollen, painful swallowing creating impaired speech; sleeping uncomfortably causing stiff neck; unable to look at my blind spot while changing lanes
Friday: Woken up at 4:30am by excruciating abdominal pains commonly known as menstrual cramps; afterwards finally getting some decent sleep but end up sleeping in and getting into work an hour late.
*cries* What did I do?
My coworker gave me some green Advil gel caps and they've seemed to cure the cramps though, so I'm ok now. I could have gone home an hour and a half ago, but since I missed two days of work I decided to stay and work more until it was time for the birthday party I'm going to at 7:30. Since the office and the party are 2 minutes away from each other, it wouldn't make much sense to drive alllll the way home in traffic, sit for 10 minutes, and then drive alllll the way back to this part of the valley in traffic.
K.. time for more work.
_end session @ 05:35 PM PST
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
No, I'm not. I feel sick. Last night, at 3:30 am I woke up in a cold sweat with an odd pain in my abdomen, slowly rising towards my chest. It was a stomach ache, but not any ordinary stomach ache. It was the kind that wanted to release itself through your mouth rather than your shitter. The thought of throwing up.. well, made me want to throw up, so I tried to ignore it, turned up the electric fan and laid down on my back. No luck. I found myself moaning "oh god...oh god..." I was really going to burst. Finally I thought, better to ralph in the toilet than all over my newly changed sheets. I lifted up the seat and called ralph on the big white phone... but hardly anything would come out. The surges of gags were continuous but only liquid came out. The taste of the vomit in my mouth made gag even more, so I collected myself and quickly moved to the sink. I rinsed my mouth out like there was no tomorrow, brushed my teeth about 27 times and was able to walk back to my bedroom. 6 am rolled around and it was time to get up for work. Ohhhh nooo.... the feeling came back. I couldn't go to work. There was no way I was going to vomit in the gross public bathrooms. I needed a day off anyway.
I tried setting up my wireless network yesterday. I was semi-successful. My laptop is connected to the "network" but for some gotdamn reason it won't connect to the internet. It says "TCP/IP is not available" or some shit like that. Fuckin' a.
Last night, after my puking episode, I had a nice dream. I dreamt I was with him again and we were happy to see each other. This morning I cracked open a fortune cookie and you know what it said? Your dream will come true when you least expect it. *sigh*... nice :)
_end session @ 02:44 PM PST
Sunday, July 14, 2002
I don't ever recall having a single "hater" (for lack of a better word). I suppose that proves the point that you're no one until someone hates you. Heh. Let's see, I've been doing this crap since 1997ish and no "haters" yet. Well, I'm glad nobody [openly] hates my online entity, because if someone did, I think I'd just die. /sarcasm.
Laundry was my best friend today. Laundry and cable TV. It's amazing how just 4 loads of laundry can take over 12 hours to finish. It didn't help that I only had 1 friggin' laundry basket to transfer clothes to and fro. Remind me next time I go to Target to get some baskets.
_end session @ 12:22 AM PST
Thursday, July 11, 2002
My answer to the email question of the month - no, cam will not be back. You can let out your sigh of relief now.
My answer to the email question of the month runner-up - yes, maybe someday I will have a layout up again with actual binary files.
_end session @ 08:20 PM PST
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
I know it doesn't look too bad, but trust me, it's fucking humid as hell out here. My legs are sweating and it's quite slippery sitting on my leather computer chair. My tshirt might as well be second skin. Guhh. Heat is fine but humidity is horrible. The guy was supposed to come today to fix our A/C but so far a no show. Not good.
I had some Atkins pancakes for dinner tonight. Damn, for a low carb breakfast food, they were damn good! They tasted like normal pancakes. This diet is great.
I desperately want to install my new steering wheel but there's only one gotdamn thing that's hindering me from doing so. One of the torx screws on my stock airbag is stripped to all hell so I can't get it off. DAMNIT. I have a perfectly good MOMO steering wheel and a very expensive hub adaptor sitting in my garage. I really don't want to sell them but if there's no way to remedy my situation I'm gonna hafta.
Alright... it's just too damn hot to be sitting here. See ya later.
_end session @ 08:35 PM PST
Monday, July 8, 2002
This weekend I was watching 3 back to back episodes of MTV's special "Brandy: Special Delivery". First of all, Brandy's had way too many visits from the ugly fairy. She looks absolutely horrible without any makeup on, and it's not like she's much of a doll either when she's got makeup on. She was wearing a tank top and YUCK you could see her ashy dark ass arm pits peeking out from between her arm and chest. That's nasty shit. THEN, she goes on an on about how she's a star and a true artist and that "J.Lo & Britney can do your thing now but don't worry I'll be back..."...... HAHAHAHA.. ok. Her new album smokes crack, she looks like crack, and the only talent she has is semi-acting on her syndicated tv show and singing through her big ass mouth like she's smoked too much crack. She needs to invest in some braces as well, because she's got two huge buck teeth with a gap no less! Don't even get me started on her eyes that might as well be bosom buddies with her damn ears. Her face looks like she's got her face in the wind with her head hanging out the window of a car travelling at extremely high speeds.
I'm feeling dehydrated. Toodles.
_end session @ 10:29 PM PST
Today is just one of those days where I want to be left the fuck alone.
_end session @ 02:48 PM PST
2 hours into the drive home, it dawns on me that I forgot my makeup case at my parents' house. Guh. Slap me. I'll have to hit up Walgreens on the way to work tomorrow morning.
_end session @ 12:24 AM PST
Saturday, July 6, 2002
I spent a good hour carefully putting together my online shopping cart on a certain website buying a bunch of healthy food shit and as soon as I go to check out... what happens? A fucking database error. I tried it again, still the same error. I give up, turn off the PC and dilly dally for a bit. A few hours later (now) I come back on and once again carefully put together my shopping cart. I took a deep breath, let it out, and clicked "CHECK OUT"... oh, same damn error. GAH. I hate the internet.
Today I sat down with my mother and we did a paraffin wax treatment on our hands and feet. I don't know what it is about the water over here but it always makes my skin dry as a hoodrat's knees. Can you imagine how hot it is when accidently (or purposely..sickos..) spill hot candle wax on your skin? Eeehh. Well, now imagine dipping your entire hand into a piping hot bowl of wax. It was damn hot at first but after a while you get used to it. It's really fun, your hand has a glove of wax and it resemble's a doll's hand. Then I did my feet and now my paws are baby soft. Fun.
I watched The Mothman Prophecies last night (wait till it goes to TV), then The Others this afternoon (freaky movie) and now What Lies Beneath (still is a lil scary for a movie I've seen 20 times) on HBO. I love how I'm one of the pussiest scaredy cats on the green earth yet I can't help but watch scary movies. Now I'll never fall asleep with the light off.
Gotta go.... talk to you again when I'm back in LA.
_end session @ 08:49 PM PST
Thursday, July 4, 2002
I stopped watching fireworks on Independence day after Jerry and I broke up. We had a tradition, going to the local high school parking lot and watching them in each others' arms. Blah. I'd rather rot in front of the computer than watch a bunch of brightly colored explosions occur.
At the current moment I'm downloading a bunch of my favorite Whitney Houston songs. The old school ones when she wasn't a crack head yet. I was flipping through my 800 channels and watched The Bodyguard for a little bit. I remembered how much I love her voice... so powerful yet soothing.
Time for my Atkins dinner. Yippee.
_end session @ 08:18 PM PST
Wednesday, July 3, 2002
Bacon and cheddar omelette for breakfast and a grilled chicken caesar sandwich for lunch? Now that's what I call an ideal menu. Once you get over the fact you can't have bread or sweets anymore (which is not extremely hard), it's alllll gravy. Oh, I can't have gravy either. Well, I never liked gravy anyway.
GUH high maintenance people SUCK!
Sorry for that outburst. I am just tired of dealing with princesses.
_end session @ 11:13 AM PST