Monday, April 29, 2002
It's my last night here, hopefully. I have to be out by tomorrow, or else I am stuck paying another months' rent which I SOOOO do not want to do. I was supposed to go over to my aunt's house and help her pack too but oops. Instead I went down to Long Beach (Snoop Doggy Dogg's hood :p) to pick up the Wings West RS kit I bought. Gotta get it painted, then sell my OEM front lip and my SH side skirts/rear and I'll be TOTALLY finished with the exterior of my car. I'm picking up a DC Sports exhaust on Wednesday. Woohoo. Next thing I need is a Helms Manual so I can slap this exhaust on without royally fubaring.
Dum dee dummmmmm...... I won't have a computer all day tomorrow, so I'll see ya on Wednesday!
_end session @ 10:33 PM PST
And I don't know why.
_end session @ 11:05 AM PST
Sunday, April 28, 2002
Well, sort of. There's a pile of boxes in one corner of my room which is about twice as tall as me. I'm not quite sure how I was able to get the stack that high without the aid of a stool. Maybe that's why my right thumb is killing me. It hurts when I type. It hurts when I apply the slightest pressure to it. I feel like I'm going to break it right off.
I've got every single piece of crap in my apartment tucked away into various boxes. I stuffed all my clothes into large garbage bags. Let's just hope I remember which bags are clothes and which bags are actually trash. I wouldn't want to show up to work with nothing but fast food bags taped to my privates.
After my long day of packing I took a very long shower. Oh man, nothing feels better than a long hot shower after getting filthy all day. But then my shower door broke. Doh. Oh well, I'll let the owner of the building deal with that shiot. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but it feels so good on my neck and back when I turn the HOT knob all the way on, and the COLD knob almost all the way off. I don't even feel the heat of the water, I just feel nice prickly fingers massaging my back. Then at the end of my shower I turn up the cold water and rinse my hair off. It's bad for your hair if you wash it in only hot water.
Right now I'm downloading some sort of old school R&B slow jams from back when I was in high school. Current song is "Nobody" by Keith Sweat and some unknown chick. This was popular when I was still with Jerry. Oh man, it was so funny, back in those days the "in" thing was to have cool greetings on your pager voicemail so of course my friend Emmy and I would always fuck around and sing on our intros. Well, we thought it would be funny if we changed the words around to this song so we made it extremely NASTY, and I sang it on my greeting. Ehhh... I guess you just had to be there.
Now I'm downloading "This Little Game We Play" by Subway & 702. Ohhh man, can you say JUNIOR HIGH?! I'm lovin' it. I feel like a kid again.
Last night I typed out a long ass rant about criticizing popular bands, groupies, pop stars, etc. But then, like the moron that I am, I accidently closed the window when trying to fight off motherfucking unwanted popup windows. That made me mad, so I said fuck it I'm going to bed.
Anyway, I'm gonna get some dinner and go night night.
Hi Aaron. :o)
_end session @ 09:32 PM PST
Friday, April 26, 2002
So what's on the agenda for tonight? Let me check my palm pilot....... Ahhhhhh a fun night of PACKING! Yippee! It's ok. I'm in a rut anyway. I feel so awful for giving up my little puppy. I don't deserve to have fun.
_end session @ 05:35 PM PST
Wednesday, April 24, 2002
My co-workers are the best. They got me a bag of goodies at Tower Records in honor of Administrative Professionals Day which is just a fancy term for Secretaries Day but since I am not a secretary I won't call it that. Since I wasn't able to keep my real puppy, they bought me a little beanie baby of a beagle pup. *sniff* They also had a $50 gift card, a little action figure, an O-Town poster (I don't like O-Town, but I mentioned once that I liked backstreet boys songs and they said they couldn't find any backstreet posters), and a Hot Rod magazine, even though I am into imports, not domestics. Haha, it's the thought that counts of course.
I visited my new house last night. It's going to be freakin' nice as hell. We're spending a fuckload of cash on remodeling it, so it damn well better look nice as hell. My bedroom is painted olive green, similar to the color I painted my old apartment, except this time it's professionally done. The hardwood floors are all done, all that's left to do is fix the kitchen area, bathrooms and repaint the whole interior. I can't wait to get out of this apartment building. Apartments suck.
DUDE. Some person called me yesterday while I was at work FORTY FIVE TIMES. I have caller ID, and I had fucking forty five calls from this person and too bad it was a Private Number or else I would have called that person 45 times right back. Geezus, if you want me that bad why don't you leave a fucking message after the fucking beep. They're calling again today. I don't like answering the phone unless there's a number I recognize. I get too many damn telemarketin' fOOs trying to spit game at my wallet. If you ever call me, and I don't pick up, LEAVE A MESSAGE.
I had an awesome dream last night.... maybe I'll see you in my dreams again tonight.
_end session @ 07:09 PM PST
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
No blog tonight.
_end session @ 11:05 PM PST
So leeeeave meeee alloooonneee. Just kidding. But seriously, I still have the same cam image because my cam is packed away in one of these big boxes.
Alright. When I got home from work, I found a note on my door. It was from my landlord. Basically the jist of it was, your fucking dog keeps crying, get him the fuck out of here by the end of the day or you will lose your security deposit.
Fuck.
So... well.... I did. I drove all the way back to Chino with my poor little puppy all confoozled wondering where we were going. I took him back to the breeder where I purchased him. It was a really sad feeling, so I will not go into detail.
I am feeling dehydrated. I haven't consumed anything all day besides a cup of coffee this morning. I am not even hungry, just really, really, really thirsty. I'd kill for a nice cold slurpee right now. Or a popsicle. Water will do though. But HELL NO will I drink from the sink. Yuck. I don't have any cash on me, I don't want to go to the ATM, and I will feel stupid pulling up to the drive through window "umm.. can I order a small sprite to go please." Plus it's 1am, and I don't feel comfortable going out this late alone.
*yawn* I think I should go to bed. But I can't. I'm too thirsty.... AAHHUUGHHH.
_end session @ 01:07 AM PST
Sunday, April 21, 2002
After a very long and stressful weekend, I finally got hom and rested. I was on the phone with my friend, and all of a sudden I broke out into tears. I don't know why, I really don't. I was crying uncontrollably. Homer noticed me crying and immediately stopped his running around to climb on me as if to comfort me. I stepped out to get something to eat, and while I was driving, I broke out into tears yet again. I'm starting to feel like getting a dog has made me feel even more lonely... because I have no one to share him with.
_end session @ 10:19 PM PST
Friday, April 19, 2002
Hi. I don't have any peripherals hooked up to my PC. My webcam is packed away into a box so I can't update the cam pic. Sowwee. I am about to go to a movie with my brother and sister. Tomorrow, I am going to visit a breeder and hopefully find a puppy that I love and loves me. Then it's off to the pet store to buy supplies. I don't want to buy them yet, because I don't know if I'll get a puppy or not, and I don't want to spend unnecessary money yet. I already know what I am going to call him. I'll tell you tomorrow. Wish me luck.
_end session @ 09:37 PM PST
Monday, April 15, 2002
Those are the girl cousins in my whole entire family. There's not a whole lot of us, there's more boys I think. I guess our grandparents weren't as horny as some other families with 87 freakin' cousins. But we all managed to have fun.
I'm home right now. I didn't wake up until noon and I feel like I totally wasted my day off. I like to actually do stuff on my days off, not just sleep in. I'm supposed to be all packed up and ready to move by Saturday morning but I have NOT started at all. Guhh.
My monthly friend came to visit so my cramps are killing me. I feel like shiot. Thank goodness I still have a salad in the fridge and I don't have to go out and get something.
I was going to work on the new layout today but I have some work related website stuff to do before tomorrow. Lack of time sucks.
_end session @ 01:15 PM PST
Sunday, April 14, 2002
Ahhhh... finally home after a long drive from San Jose. I'm tired. I promised my cousins I'd upload the pictures I took so I shall do that for the 100+ pics I took. Later.
_end session @ 11:44 PM PST
Friday, April 12, 2002
WHY. WHY. WHY. Why must I feel pre-menstrual cramps on the horizon when I have a formal party to go to tomorrow?!
_end session @ 12:10 PM PST
Thursday, April 11, 2002
My day didn't start off too well. My two alarms both go off at 7am. I like to lay in bed half asleep until I really have to get up. Suddenly I hear this loud honking noise that goes on every couple seconds. Unbelievable. Are you telling me I have to listen to this shit while I'm trying to relax? It turns out they're doing construction on the roads in front of my apartment building, thus blocking my way out of the fucking building. That's just great.
So I get up out of bed and remembered that I bought shampoo and conditioner at the grocery store last night. I went into the kitchen to see if I had left it there. I rummaged through the grocery backs. FUCK. THOSE MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKERS FORGOT TO BAG MY SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. I run down to my car to see if it fell out. No luck. FUCK. Are you telling me I've got to take a shower today with a fucking drop of shampoo and NO conditioner?! Might as well pull my hair out at the roots. I don't know why, but that just irritated the hell out of me. Last night I noticed that they ALSO forgot my juice. I didn't think too much of it, but duh why didn't I check for the other groceries. UGH.
So anyway, now I'm at work, trying to do some work before I leave at 10:30 to run an errand. My annoying ass co-worker comes up to my desk with her annoying ass accent and bugs me for the fucking 1940425665837th time to help her with her computer. GAWD. How the hell did you get through college or high school without any basic computer training?!
Anyway. I'm leaving tomorrow night for San Francisco to go to this formal thingamajigger, so I need to get my long overdue haircut tonight. It's past my waist already. Crazy shit. I will probably have it trimmed an inch or two above my waist, and dye it pitch black. Whatcha think? :)
_end session @ 09:52 AM PST
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
I need a lil friend to keep me company.
_end session @ 10:19 PM PST
Tuesday, April 9, 2002
_end session @ 06:31 PM PST
Monday, April 8, 2002
The books I got off eBay arrived today in a nice brown paper parcel. I made a list of a bunch of ways to get over an ex boyfriend and reading was one of them. Maybe one day I will publish my valuable list and help poor little heartbroken women all over the world. Hah. Joking. Here is the list, short term and long term:
That is all for now. I'm sure I'll think of something else and add it later. Alright folks it's beddy bye time.
_end session @ 11:32 PM PST
I finally fell asleep at 3:30 am this morning. What time did I wake up? 7 am. 7 fricking am. I am usually still in deep R.E.M. until at least 8am. I was afraid of falling asleep again and not waking up, so I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. I took my sweet time getting ready for work, which was great. I'm usually hauling ass getting ready and running down to my car. I think I'll wake up early more often. Tonight I have to start packing though. Since I have no boyfriend to keep me occupied, I'll probably sleep early too.
Although... being occupied feels so great sometimes. :o|
_end session @ 04:39 PM PST
Sorry, here I am again.
Here is song snippet of the night.
"...i did my best but i guess my best wasn't good enough, cuz here we are back where we were before. seems nothing ever changes; we're back to being strangers, wondering if we oughta stay or head on out the door..."
Can you guess the song?
_end session @ 02:41 AM PST
I thought I was done for the night, but I'm not. I wish I could be as open as possible on this blog. But I can't, since people who are close to me read this stuff. The down and dirty stuff is going into a private password protected journal. I'll be happy to give you the password, just e-mail me and it's yours. I'll probably be a little selective though when giving it out. If you know me on and offline, you can forget about it ;) I don't need my REAL LIFE friends finding out what a head case I really am.
_end session @ 02:27 AM PST
Man, it's already 1:18 am. I just got home from taking my parents to LAX. They are leaving for the Philippines.. well they should be taking off as I type. I hate airports. I hate the congestion. The traffic. The uncertainty of any random psycho holding people hostage because he wasn't hugged enough as a child. I hate the paranoia of random security checks. An airport is just a big huge terminal for hellos and goodbyes. Usually sad goodbyes, and usually happy hellos. I remember the last time I was at the airport. I had so much excitement built up. I dreaded going on that plane but I knew at the end of the tunnel there was that light. I was going to see my other half. I also remember that day he dropped me off at the airport for my return flight. I held his arm and wouldn't let go until the very, very last moment where it was my turn to go through the detector. We kissed a couple times on the lips. He took a few steps away before turning back to kiss me one last time. I turned around and didn't look back anymore. I was afraid that if I saw him again, I would get out of line and stay in Orlando forever. That was the worst part about my visit to the airport today. The familiar scenery of the airport reminded me of when everything was unusually great in my life.
But anyways. I'm dreading work tomorrow. We have a few staff members who only come in on certain days of the week, but when they do, we're pretty packed in the office. Well one of my staff's computer went dead so I had to reinstall windows. Well there was a problem with the network card driver, and tech support was giving me the frickin' runaround and didn't help me at all. Guh. So she has been using another person's computer for now since they were not in the office last week. But fuck, they're gonna be back on Monday so of course since I am the only technically inclined person in the office the shit is put on my plate to rectify. Gahh. I'll think of something. I guess I should come into work early so that I have it all set up before they all come in. Ughh. The things I do for my fucking job.
Well I guess that's all for tonight. Nighty night.
_end session @ 01:55 AM PST
Sunday, April 7, 2002
I don't know why, but last night I had the most wetodded dreams. It was three or four dreams wrapped into one. The first one, I was with my aunt and her lesbian friends in three seperate cars heading towards San Diego to visit my parents. I was riding in the car that my aunt's girlfriend was driving, and she had one of those CD portfolios on her lap searching for some music. Then we get to my parents' house and the living room is full of cases of beer. Like, wall to wall cases of beer. Huh. Then there was my dad, taking the beer bottles out and placing the boxes nicely against the wall. What.
Next dream. My brother and I are in the hotel lobby of some place, I don't know where. There's a bathtub in the middle of our room between the double beds. So I'm laying in there taking a bath (ewww I never take baths... the thought of my skin touching the dirty yucky bath tub.. *shivers*) while my brother sleeps. There's a bunch of other luggage there and it belongs to my aunt and her lesbian friends. I assume we're in Vegas and they're out and about gambling.
Huh. Next dream, it's pouring rain and I'm driving my car. My brother is driving in another car and I'm worried about him cuz he doesn't drive stick very well. I'm at a left turn yield and some nice people stop their cars to let me go through. Then the rain stops, and I'm on a bicycle. I'm riding like some pro going all fast down a hill, then I see that it's like a forest, and I am scared of forests, so I ride back up into the city.
Theeen in my next dream, my sister, my dad, and I are in the car driving on some bridge in down town San Diego. I'm looking at the tall buildings and ask her which of these two buildings is taller, and how many stories did she think there were. She replies with "the tallest building in the world is a Vietnamese prison".... huh... ok... Next thing I know, my dad, sister, and I are climbing the taller building. I'm at the bottom and I keep *almost* falling off. What the hell.
Ok I lied, there were 5 dreams. Now, I'm inside the hotel room again but this time with my whole family. I see a short-haired-orange-colored wig on the sink counter and I put it on my head. I look like a fu-moron with my long black hair coming out of it. Then my brother tries to take the wig away from me. End of dream. WTF? I dunno either.
So all my dreams are done, I wake up, it's 12:30. FUCK. I'm supposed to be in Pomona in an hour, it takes THAT long to get there. Man. I get up and walk to the computer. My computer adjusts the clock for daylight savings time. FUCK. I'm supposed to be in Pomona, uhh NOW. Ahh damnit. Well there goes that.
I'm typing incoherently now. Must.. eat.. breakfast.
_end session @ 02:18 PM PST
Saturday, April 6, 2002
So Someone Like You is on HBO tonight. Woo hoo. I just finished watching Down To You. Man there were a lot of good movies on tonight. For some reason I never ever catch the first 30 minutes of The Mexican (Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts). That makes me mad, I like that movie from what I've seen. Then Miss Congeniality was on, another good movie but I've seen it 85 times. Anyway, Someone Like You is a great post-break-up-and-feeling-down movie so I decided to order some pizza and have a night with myself. Cable TV is great.
Don't worry, this sorry excuse for a layout will be remedied quite soon. I spent the night at my aunt's house last night (only because my sister blocked my car in with her car) and did some layout sketching. I came up with a great idea, then I realized it's one of those layouts that I will get sick of soon.
Ooh, the movie is starting. Later.
_end session @ 08:01 PM PST
Friday, April 5, 2002
Sooo cute!
Sooo cute part 2!
Too big, so gotta link it, so funny!
bear calendar
_end session @ 12:06 PM PST
Thursday, April 4, 2002
I'm going to just take out the images. So the windows will be floating around the page for now because this anime stuff is bothering me.
_end session @ 07:16 PM PST
Tuesday, April 2, 2002
I'm doing ok so far. Had to take the day off though. I can't work, I'm in mourning.
_end session @ 03:25 PM PST
Monday, April 1, 2002
Guaranteed to make you shed a tear.
01. No More Tears on My Pillow - Mya*
02. Can't Believe - Mya*
03. Angel - Dru Hill
04. What Do I Do w/ the Love - Dru Hill
05. How Could You - K-Ci & JoJo*
06. I Miss You - Klymaxx
07. I Didn't Know Love... - Jocelyn Enriquez
08. Even If - Jocelyn Enriquez
09. One Last Cry - Brian McKnight*
10. Stranger In My House - Tamia
11. My Heart Can't Take Much More - Changing Faces*
12. I Don't Wanna Be Lonely - Az Yet*
13. I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt
14. In A Rush - Blackstreet
15. I Thought She Knew - NSync (shoosh)
16. The One I Gave My Heart To - Aaliyah
17. One More Chance - Madonna
18. How Do You Tell The One - After 7*
19. I Miss You - Incubus*
20. Back To Your Heart - BSB*
* Extra fuckin sad.
That is just to name a few. So many more songs make me sad, even though they're not supposed to be a sad song. *sigh*... I'll sleep well tonight, after my long hard tear session.
Goodnight.
_end session @ 10:11 PM PST
Heard it from the horse's mouth. After three months of ambiguous answers, I finally hear it straight up.
I'll be crawling into my hole now. If you don't hear from me in a week, send help.
_end session @ 09:09 PM PST
I sure as hell don't. At first I really didn't give two shits about that girl, but now I am just one of those people who is pissed off at the world right now.
I feel like puking every time I see a happy couple. That means I must stay away from websites such as Star's. It has been really hard on me the past couple days. I know now, more than ever, how hard it is to trust someone. I know now, more than ever, that no matter how happy you are in a relationship, there is NO guarantee that it will last forever. Not saying it's impossible.. it is very possible. But in my relationship, it was perfect. Too fucking good to be true. He apparently was the type of person too gentle and kind to ever hurt me. Now look at us. Yet another casualty.
My biggest downfall is how emotional I am. I'm either numb to emotions, or overwhelmed with them. Never in between. Right now, duh, I'm overwhelmed with them. Memories do nothing but remind me of how much worse my current situation is.
I am beyond angry. If I didn't have to pay for it I'd punch a hole in the wall right now. Yes, a hole. I have that much bottled up anger in me. Ugh, and I'm soooooo tired. The drive home from San Diego was awful. For about 50 miles, I couldn't even get up to 4th gear. It was mostly 2nd gear... 3rd gear if I was lucky... but never faster than 30mph. Having my backseat-driver of a sister in the car didn't help either.
My heart hurts.
_end session @ 12:41 AM PST
