August 2002

AUGUST 31, 2002 :: 12:38PM

New RAW FILES entry Jammin' to ... feelin'

Title: Always truth in humor. (e-mail for access.)

AUGUST 31, 2002 :: 12:17PM

Good Saturday morning. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I must, must, must clean my room today. I just have to. So after I peruse the world wide web for another few minutes, the next 5 hours will be dedicated to my bedroom.

AUGUST 30, 2002 :: 06:56PM

Cam return? Jammin' to ... feelin'

I know I wanted anonymity but I'm thinking of bringing back the cam. Hmmmmmm....

AUGUST 29, 2002 :: 11:19PM

What the hell. Gas city. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I don't remember what I ate today but since 7PM I've been a gas station from hell. My stomach grumbled and grumbled, but I wasn't hungry nor did I have the runs. Then I started to fart air. Yes, it's quite gross but I am still baffled and need to share it with you all. It didn't smell at all, but I just kept farting and farting air bubbles. Anyway, Star has yet another cute layout. Makes me want to redesign too but alas I lack the creativity. Ahh well. My gassy ass is headed for bed. Night.

AUGUST 28, 2002 :: 04:03PM

Just paid allllll my bills. Jammin' to ... feelin'

All August bills paid. That's my excuse. Don't worry, cash is replenished on Friday.

AUGUST 28, 2002 :: 01:00PM

American Idol. Jammin' to ... feelin'

My siblings and I went to Hollywood & Highland yesterday to watch the live taping of American Idol. Heh heh. We arrived at 3:30 and were told to wait in this long ass line until 4:30. We kept ourselves entertained by making fun of our brother continuously. The line finally started moving and after a bunch of stops we were standing by the entrance waiting to be directed to seats. When we all sat down, there was a full 3 rows left and the director was telling the ushers to just find people to watch. GAHH. We waited in that line all scared we wouldn't have seats left. Anywhoo, it was fun, if only Tamyra was still a contestant though. As we were leaving we were handed fliers for a talent contest to be held this Saturday at Hollywood & Highland to win tickets to the American Idol finale. You are to show up, pick a song and sing your heart out while the judges decide on who wins. I thought that was kind of cool but my sister is dead serious about me trying out. The whole night even at dinner she was naming a bunch of songs I should sing. Now, I haven't performed publicly (besides family) since senior year in high school. I really don't want to do it, especially since you have to pick from a list of pre-designated songs and you can't pick a song that someone else has already sang. What if I don't know any of them? I'm shit outta luck. But.. I have a couple days to think about it. Maybe I will.

AUGUST 26, 2002 :: 10:39AM

Honking can be so rude. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I'm walking down Ventura Blvd. about to cross Sepulveda Blvd. to make a bank deposit. The little white glowing walking guy appears and I pray I don't get run over. I hear this incessant honking coming from the lanes headed the same direction I was. I turned around and it was an old Range Rover blaring his horn at the white Cadillac in front of him. Ok, now, like most people I hate being behind a slow driver, but I would never hold down my horn at them. A simple "beep beep" should suffice. That's just plain rude. It's loud, obnoxious and makes you look like a total ass. That's why there are 2 other lanes you dick, pass the motherfucker! I look at road rage the same way I look at iNTerNEt tHUgS. You act tougher than you usually would because you are not face to face with your "victim" (for lack of a better word). Sure, it's easy to give someone the finger when you're flying by them at 80MPH. If you were walking by them (unless you're someone who never grew out of their 5th grade bully phase) do you really think you'd yell obscenities or flip them off? Huh. Doubt it. How funny, I just typed out this long editorial about road rage and my previous entry is about me not being opinionated. How ironic. I'll try to explain this one later.

AUGUST 26, 2002 :: 01:14AM

On being opinionated. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: "ready for love" by india arie ~ There are positives and negatives to being opinionated. People tend to respect those who speak their mind, but some tend to get irritated and/or offended by it as well. I, personally am not openly opinionated. I don't always speak my mind because I don't always feel it's necessary. If someone likes to smoke, I'm not going to get in their face listing facts I memorized from the American Cancer Society website. If a girl just loves to wear clothes 10 sizes too small for her, I'm not going to tell her how wrong it looks. It really just is not necessary, and it is not in my nature. If you're not hurting me or someone I care about, then I'm not going to hurt you. Maybe they need to be told, but it's not my job. It's the openly opinionated person's job.

AUGUST 25, 2002 :: 03:15PM

Setting goals for myself. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I have added another long term goal to my list. I am going to learn to speak and write in a foreign language fluently by my 24th birthday. Hey, it took me about that long to learn hyper text markup language, I think I'll be ok. :p What's with this sudden surge of ambition? Hmm, I don't know, I tend to get like this every so often. My brain needs stimulation. There are 100 million students out there dreading their homework, and here I am, creating homework for myself. Sick. There is one problem, I haven't decided what language I want to learn. Living in Southern California the most practical would be Spanish. Being a Filipina, the easiest would be Tagalog. But, I already know tagalog quite well, it wouldn't be enough of a challenge. Let's see..... how about Italian? Kinda sexy, no? Eh.. French, too much hawking of the saliva in that accent. I'll think of one soon. And I promise I won't cheat by using one of those online translaters. Promise.

AUGUST 23, 2002 :: 11:19AM

Well it's about damn time. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Friday is great. Hardly any traffic on the I-405 (as rare as a set of real D cups in LA), ok-to-wear-jeans day, quittin' time at 4PM instead of 6PM and best of all, the last morning you have to wake up early until Monday comes around. I'm wearing my new kicks. I feel 2" taller. A lot of random things were swirling around my mind this morning. For example, I don't see why people feel the need to chat with me while I'm in my toilet stall and they're in their stall. Urination is a time for peace and quiet, after all isn't it why they say it's nature's calling? I also wonder how the hell they expect me to hear what they're saying while it sounds like the fucking Niagara Falls in there. I think it's rude and sort of gross. Please don't talk to me while I'm 1) sleeping and 2) taking a leak. After work yesterday my sister, brother, cousin and I headed over to the Santa Monica Pier to watch the B-side Players. It's a world beat/reggae/hip hop group from San Diego that my sister went to school with. I came from straight from work, so I was walking 10 miles from the parking lot to the pier in my heels. Ok, not 10 miles, but far enough. We squeezed through a crowd of stinky people and found a spot in the front. Everyone was dancing to the music but I was more interested in his lyrics. I stood still watching him like I was in a classroom receiving a lecture. I have to say, some of his beliefs in his lyrics I do not agree with at all. He was saying things about immigration and that we shouldn't have any borders, people should be free to come and go as they please because they want to escape the foreign governments and want freedom, yadda yadda. I agree with letting immigrants experience the freedom they never had in their country, I don't have a problem with that at all. Hell, I AM an immigrant. I was born in the Philippines and moved here when I was 8 months old. Some of my family over there are still trying to move here. The thing is, it can't be just like crossing state lines. Although we'd like it to be, it's just not that easy. Everything needs some level of control, because without control you have chaos. But I did enjoy the beats they had to offer. I love live music. The bass of the guitar and the beat of the drums pound in my heart and I can feel the music inside me. It's a natural high.

AUGUST 21, 2002 :: 10:19PM

Still in shock. Jammin' to ... feelin'

BOOOOO. Screw you America for voting Tamyra off! Hah. Kidding, I don't want to screw you. But seriously, that Nikki chick has an angel on her shoulder because there is no other way in hell she'd be able to squeak by 6 weeks in a row.. I think that's how long it's been. Well, the good thing about not winning American Idol is Tamyra won't be forever known as "the one who won American Idol." She has a real shot at making it big. This week has gone by uberslowly. I got myself all excited today, I was typing up a postdated letter and was so involved in it that when I was done I really thought that it was the date I wrote it for (Thursday). Alas, it's only Wednesday. Hump day. I'm craving a fruit cup.

AUGUST 21, 2002 :: 11:20AM

Added new linkage. Jammin' to ... feelin'

If you signed my guestbook, I linked you up. Thanks!

AUGUST 20, 2002 :: 12:31AM

Looking back on the year 2002. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: "ready for love" by india arie ~ This year has been hard. It's almost September and I still haven't had a decent happiness streak. I fear it won't come anytime soon. My current state has been so steady it almost feels normal. I don't remember what it feels like to be genuinely happy. I don't remember what being wanted and loved feels like. I have most all the possessions I could ever need... a roof to live under, food on the table, wheels to get around in and my family. Somehow it's never enough. I talk to him almost everyday. He wonders why I didn't call if I don't happen to talk to him one day. We are friends again, and it's the most important thing in the world to me. Why is it that I need more from him? When I have nothing, I will settle for anything, yet when I have anything, I want it all. We are just beginning to rekindle a real friendship and all I can think about is whether he still loves me or is he content with just being my friend. I'd give anything just to hear him tell me he loves me. Even if he did I just know I'll want more and more. In relationships why don't we ever say what we mean? I should rephrase -- why can't I ever say what I mean? When he and I were breaking up I asked him straight up, do you want to be with me or not? Either way is fine with me. That was a lie. I wanted to end the fake relationship we were having once and for all but deep inside I still wanted him... I still wanted him to want me in return. But he didn't want me. My heart is so fragile right now, I honestly would sink into deep, deep, deep depression if he were to ever have a new relationship. I don't think I would be able to hide it at all. I just wish he could see it. I wish he would not be stubborn for 5 seconds and see this emotion pouring out of me that I never showed while we were together. To tell you the truth.. I think he does see it. I think I am the only one who hasn't faced reality yet. I hate being the last one.

AUGUST 19, 2002 :: 01:28PM

I can be so irresponsible. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Last Thursday I didn't get to work until 2PM. Last Friday I left work at 1PM. Today I stroll in the office at 9:45. I'm not hating work or anything, these three days of partly being out of the office were just coincidentally all in a row. I feel irresponsible. Do you wash your hands everytime you use the restroom? Especially a public restroom? I sure hope so. Today a lady and I both entered the ladies' room at the same time. I took my time doing a number one and heard the other lady finish her business and walk straight out of the bathroom. My jaw dropped to the floor and I thought OH gross..! That chick didn't wash her hands. I personally think that is disgusting. The stall handles, the toilet paper roll, the flusher, the bathroom door ALL have germs on them and, even though you are given the opportunity and it is certainly the appropriate thing to do, you do not wash your hands. Yes, there are germs everywhere and you can't possibly wash your hands every minute but cmon now! You just excreted bodily fluids!

AUGUST 19, 2002 :: 01:14AM

I'm actually anxious for Monday to arrive. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: "trouble" by coldplay ~ I have this habit of developing temporary infatuations with any given person, for no particular reason. By temporary, I mean very temporary ranging from 5 hours to 36 hours. Last night was definitely a success. My friends came over and just had a good time. We barbecued, laughed, drank, smoked out, laughed, gossiped, drank, smoked out... you get the point. I am not a drinker, nor am I a smoker but last night I drank a shot of tequila, a couple margaritas and passed the dutchie on the left hand side a few times which led to lots of giggling and the development of a temporary infatuation while trying to go to bed last night. The victim of my T.I. is definitely a catch though. Something I'll never catch though. My boss is having a formal birthday party so I asked my sister to bring my dresses home from my parents' house. I am no girly girl, so I own exactly four dresses. I designed my prom dress though and I'm quite proud of it so I'm going to wear it to the party. It's strapless, burgundy with a layer of black lace over it. Simple and doesn't make my boobs look huge. The only thing is my ass looks huge in it since it's a form fitting dress, so I will have to wear my hair down in order to conceal it a little. I love how B movie casting directors like to recycle the same 5 actors and actresses in all their movies. I think I am going to extend my temporary infatuation to a semi-permanent one. Crushes are always fun, plus it will get my mind off of him.

AUGUST 18, 2002 :: 03:06PM

GUHH MUTHA FUCKIN @#$$!!@$#%$%@#!! Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: les miserables soundtrack ~ I'm quite angry at the moment. I shut my laptop down like normal on Friday night. Saturday morning, I startup and the C:\Windows\System32\Config\Startup [or something like that] is missing or corrupt. I get on my desktop PC and search Dell for the solution and I find it. Sort of. It didn't freakin' work because I am not a computer whiz. So, I just reinstalled Windows. All my saved emails, all my documents, music, ALL GONE!! :cries: Now my network is all messed up too. Gotta fix it. Bye.

AUGUST 15, 2002 :: 05:01PM

No, I didn't go. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I didn't go to the gym yesterday morning. Nor did I go this morning. This morning I didn't even roll out of bed until 11 or so. I called the office at 8 and said I wasn't going to be in for a few hours. I didn't get here until 2. Last night after my shower I started picking at a small scar on my tricep. I don't remember how I got it, but it was real tiny, like a puncture as opposed to a gash. I think I made it mad, because all of a sudden blood starting pouring out nonstop. What the... how can so much blood come out of such a small hole? I put a piece of tissue on it but it absorbed the blood quick and fell off. Finally a piece of tissue stuck on and stopped the bleeding. After a few minutes, I took the tissue off and sure enough the blood kept coming out. Yuck. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my arm. Damnit, do I have to sleep like this? I don't want blood all over my sheets, yech. I woke up in the morning and was sure my arm would be purple and drained but nope, the bleeding stopped. *phew* That was bizarre. Also gross.

AUGUST 13, 2002 :: 10:31PM

If you died I wouldn't cry. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to "make it real" by the jets If anyone has the song "If You Died I Wouldn't Cry" by Mya, please be a kind soul and send it to me. My Mya CD (along with my billions of other CDs) were stolen with my old car. Watched American Idol tonight. Sorry, but, Nikki, there are exits on both sides of the plane, so PLEASE GET OFF! It is beyond me how she was able to hang on this long. Kelly, she was good but there is just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's her trailer park-esque persona. Tamyra, good as usual. RJ, good too. Justin, average. Anywhoo, I think the person that wins the contest is going to be a girl. The worst thing that can happen to a person with waist-length and extra thick hair - running out of conditioner. Today was day two of no conditioner. No one was unlazy enough to go to the store yet. I didn't even want to attempt to run a brush through my thick heap of string so I rolled it up into a bun and clipped it. Although that probably made the tangles worse. I plan on waking up 2 hours earlier than normal and going to the gym before work. Will I actually follow through? Tune in tomorrow night when I reveal my failure, OR SUCCESS.

AUGUST 12, 2002 :: 09:22PM

What makes me happy. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: phantom of the opera soundtrack I was overcome with the urge to clean out my filing cabinet at work today. In my locked cabinet, I found all sorts of buried treasure. I found a file of accounting stuff that I had been wondering where it ran off to for the past 6 months. I found a bunch of lottery scratchers (about 200 of them) that were left over from our fundraiser a few months ago. I found a lot of napkins. While pulling out the stack of files I had stuffed in there, my day planner fell out. It's a cute little leather planner that I used to write in daily. In the pocket I found old pictures of me and my old best friend Emmy. I put them up on my bulletin board with my other family/friends pictures. I grabbed a stack of my old business cards out of the pocket and behind them were two pictures of me and Jerry. For new readers, Jerry is my ex. We were together from '96-'00. If you read the early archives you'll get the scoop on what went on there.

AUGUST 11, 2002 :: 08:12PM

Water runs dry. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: "water runs dry" by boyz ii men "...don't even say 'I love you' no more, 'cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed..." I got rid of the burger and ice cream. I don't eat that stuff so it would be false representation. :p This is one of the nicest weekends I've had in a while. My sister and I rented a bunch of sappy chick flicks and watched them all weekend. We watched A Walk To Remember, Glitter (hey, I thought it was an OK movie. My sister even cried. Heh heh.), and Crossroads. They weren't a waste of my time either. A Walk To Remember was damn sad, I had actually seen it in the theatres before and, I admit, I couldn't hold back the tears. It was sad ok. Alright... time for a second round of sappy DVD watching.

AUGUST 11, 2002 :: 12:30AM

Just as I suspected. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I am not crazy about my layout anymore. :p But I won't change it yet, I haven't the time nor creativity to do so. My siblings and I went to Universal City Walk today to watch one of my sister's Top 5 favorite men in the world sing in concert. He was the love interested in that MTV movie Love Story with Monica. He was also Angelina Jolie's boyfriend in the movie Life or Something Like It. He's pretty cute in person.

AUGUST 07, 2002 :: 08:58PM

American Idol. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Did I talk about this show last night? I'm pretty sure I did. Well, either way I'm going to talk about it again tonight. I am one of the many Americans who watch this show whenever I can. I look at the finalists and think.... I honestly do not see anything in their talents that stands out from the current array of pop stars we already have. Yes, they sing very well but... let's talk with examples. I really think Tamyra Gray is going to win. She's consistent with the judges, the different themes and she can belt without sounding like she's suffering (unlike that Kelly chick). But, even if she does win.. what is going to separate her from the other female singers out there? Well, besides being "that one girl who won American Idol." Anyway. My nail broke, right where my nail meets my skin so it's pretty painful to type.

AUGUST 06, 2002 :: 10:41PM

Sex and the city tonight, yay. Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: i believe in you and me by whitney ~ I am a Sex and the City FREAK, I have three seasons on DVD, patiently awaiting the fourth season to come out, and pretty much know everything about the show. It's on the fifth season now but I can't seem to be home at the time it shows which is 9:30 on Sunday nights. It's on tonight at 11PM and I am not missing it. Although I'm pretty damn sleepy, I might just fall asleep instead. Damn, there goes the plan. My brother and I went to the market today. I stocked up on a bunch of Atkins friendly food. I felt like a mother shopping for her two kids. I bought a good amount of food and only spend $75. Pretty good, compared to what my bill usually comes out to.

AUGUST 06, 2002 :: 12:51AM

R.I.P. Chick Hearn Jammin' to ... feelin'

:o( This is a sad, sad day in Los Angeles. The voice of the Lakers passed on today. It is going to be tough watching games without hearing him on the play by play. We'll all miss him dearly. We had a cousins' night out tonight. We drove all around the valley trying to find a pool hall that isn't 18+ for my brother's sake. After two unsuccessful places we ended up at Canoga Park bowling alley to go bowling (duh). I was a little excited, it being the first time I was ever to bowl in my life. All the lanes were full, so my brother and I played a few games of air hockey. I was pummeled twice with the puck but came out with no scars. Air hockey has to be the greatest arcade game ever. The pool tables at the bowling alley were in an 18+ area but we snuck my brother in with no problems. I only got to play one game of tag team pool, and lost, but I was happy I still had some technique left. My family owned a pool table way back when I still lived in Paradise Hills (San Diego). The highlight of the evening though was when someone hit the cue ball hard and my cousin said, quite enthusiastically, "Ooohh, I like when it's hard." We all burst out into laughter, her comment was so out in left field so it sounded perverted as hell. Oh goodness... it's 1am. That's all for tonight.

AUGUST 05, 2002 :: 02:35PM

Wow, a guestbook. Jammin' to ... feelin'

After months without one, I decided to put the guestbook back up. Oooh, published my email too. Yay. Now you can get a hold of me. PS, forgot to change all the paths from cybercandy.org to artificialsweetener.org so some archives don't work yet.

AUGUST 05, 2002 :: 10:15AM

Good morning, my friends! Jammin' to ... feelin'

listening to: warmth by incubus ~ Ahhh.... so refreshing to start anew, isn't it? New domain, new visitors, new outlook on life, oh and new email address as well: mae@artificialsweetener.org. Cybercandy will still be up, therefore my cybercandy email will also work. I woke up this morning as a new person. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (Oh, sorry for not warning you before getting into my serious-mattered entry this morning.) I woke up 10 minutes earlier than usual, and got to work 15 minutes earlier than usual. Last friday I stayed an hour and a half after work just getting all my shit done. Coming in on a Monday morning with not a whole lot to do (compared to other Mondays) is GRRRREAT. A few things about the site... yesterday I sat in front of my laptop for a good amount of the day just playing around in Photoshop. I had one concept going and almost finished it, then tossed it because it was too dark. Then I said, hmmm, pink? Yeah, pink. I put the Pseudo Sweet logo up, and had designers block for a few hours. Nothing I tried worked. So I just kinda closed my eyes and banged on the keyboard and mouse for a bit. Voila, something kinda cool. It's essentially still just my blog, but with links and not as boring to look at. Don't worry though, if you're not keen on this layout, it will most likely change in the next few weeks.

AUGUST 05, 2002 :: 12:06AM

Fixed greymatter, woo. Jammin' to ... feelin'

It's midnight, I'm dead tired, finally fixed Greymatter, everything seems to be going smoothly. Time for bed. Goodnight.

AUGUST 04, 2002 :: 11:35PM

Testes, testes 1 2 3 Jammin' to ... feelin'

Blah blah.

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