July 2003

JULY 31, 2003 :: 12:34PM

Our CEO is back. Jammin' to ... feelin'

After being on medical and personal leave from the company for about 3 months, our CEO is back in the office today. He popped his head in my office and said "Hi Mae." I looked up and I couldn't hide my ear-to-ear smile. I am so happy to see him again. I almost forgot how handsome he is. Ever since I started working here about three years ago, I've had a school-girl crush on him. When I walked in the office for my second interview, he just happened to be by the door getting some water from the cooler. He looked at me, smiled and said "You must be Mae." He had me at "you." Haha. He's naturally a flirt and charmer. I know that all the ladies in our company feel the same way about him. He can make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. But often times he promises you the world when he knows he really shouldn't. Last year, while working on some lectures together, he asked me about my boyfriend. I said, "what boyfriend?" He said, "the one in Florida." I said "oh, well, he dumped me." He said "What? Are you kidding?" I said "no, I wasn't good enough for him." He said "well, then he doesn't deserve you. No one is good enough for you." ::sigh:: Now he could very well be a really good bullshitter, but I don't care. He made me feel special with those words. And I hadn't felt special in a long while. One other moment sticks out in my head. It was back when I was still the front desk receptionist. He came in the office, stopped in his tracks and smiled at me. I smiled back and said "yeeeesss?" He said "oh, nothing. just staring at your beauty." HAHAHA! Now, that was damn cheesy but shit, it sure felt nice. But he's married now... with a baby on the way. Not that I ever had a chance with him, but.. ya know.

JULY 31, 2003 :: 12:07PM

Saying goodbye to Roscoe today. Jammin' to ... feelin'

:*( Today my son is leaving me to go back home to his daddy. I cleaned him all up so he smells nice and fresh. I wanted to launder all his clothes but I didn't get the chance to, so I'm going to send them later. I could be evil and keep him longer, but his dad misses him way too much. Getting over a cold... getting irritated at the hyena-esque laugh that the receptionist has. I can hear her all the way from my desk back here. Hungry for some sushi... ack. Suddenly I'm in a bad mood.

JULY 26, 2003 :: 05:36PM

Mandates and meetings and lectures, oh my! Jammin' to ... feelin'

Today was painful. And I wasn't even the unlucky one who had to conduct the lectures. Today's owners' meeting basically consisted of a pack of angry wolves at our necks wondering why this that who huh where when. Just sitting in that room for two and a half hours (when it was only supposed to last one hour) drove me to silent insanity. On the outside I was cool and calm but in my mind I was all @#$%$^$%!!@@##!!! Oh, funny coincidence. As I was leaving the meeting room to go to my hotel room, we bumped into our daily UPS guy who just happened to be at the same hotel for his sister's wedding. Neat. He's a cool guy. So I've got one and a half hours to get ready for the big gala-shindig thing tonight. A little irritated that I was never asked about what guests I'm bringing, so that means I have no date. Ugh, I feel like I've been lied to. Even my coworker said that he doesn't ever remember getting any notice from the seminar coordinator about our meal preference and guest count. Gah! It's a conspiracy I tell you. oh! Gotta go now. Bye!

JULY 25, 2003 :: 06:47PM

Seminar woes. Jammin' to ... feelin'

So I'm at my corporate seminar. And I just happen to fucking start my period the first day of the seminar. That means that I will be on my period for the remainder of the fucking seminar. I am stuck in my hotel room ordering room service for each meal because they've blocked off the exit I know for some concert. Oh, that and I have a good parking spot that I don't want to lose. I have until 8pm to inhale my food (which will take another half hour to get here) and then I have a mixer thing to attend. I really don't feel well; I'd much rather sleep, but I don't want to be snobby and not show up. We're all supposed to mingle with our franchisees and stuff. Seminars will always remind me of him. It was at my first seminar with this company two years ago that I got to know him. August 1st would have been two years together. Now I just feel so lonely in my hotel room... ahh... I guess no matter how hard I try to forget him, he will always be in my heart somehow. And hey, maybe that's alright.

JULY 22, 2003 :: 02:36PM

I hate her. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Yes, HER. That fuckin' bitch. She has the fuckin' nerve to fuck him, and then try to milk him for all he's worth? FUCK THAT BITCH. She better be GLAD she's all the way in the fucking mountains and not in Los Angeles, because if she were she WILL be dealt with. And yes, that is a threat.

JULY 17, 2003 :: 12:27PM

Just because I love you! Jammin' to ... feelin'

Anyone remember this 1996ish song by Lina Santiago? It's called Just Because I Love You. It's really cute, one of my favorite songs from that time period. I'm stressin' out. Sunday is my grandparents' renewal of vows/60th anniversary celebration. First issue: preparing for the wedding. I was in charge of the invitations. Now I'm in charge of the fucking souvenirs. The souvenir is a compilation of love songs with a picture of my grandparents on the label. The same thing that I did for my sister and cousin's 30th birthday party which apparently was a big hit (pats self on back). 80 gotdamn CDs I need to burn, print labels for, and assemble. Guess where I'm spending my Friday night and Saturday morning? Yep, work. I'll probably bring my two PowerBooks to work so that I have 5 burners to work with. I don't see anyfuckingone else out of my cousins helping at all. My cousin is in charge of the seating arrangements and she was whining that my sister isn't able to help her. WTF?! It's a fucking chart with seats on it. Match names to seats. Go! Second issue: attire. I have three dresses to choose from, none of which I am happy with. The girls are supposed to wear something gray while the guys where gray button up shirts with black slacks. I have one dress that is cute but looks more like a taupe color than gray. Second dress is definitely gray, but is way too short and plain. Also not very figure-flattering. Third dress is probably what I'll wear, since it fits me the best. The only issue with it is that it's white with a lot of small black flowers. From far away it looks gray, but up close not so much. Hmm, oh well, it's not the end of the world. Third issue: performance. My brother, sister and I are singing for the reception but have no clue what to do yet. I don't really want all of us doing solos (that will get boring, QUICK.) but that means I'd have to do a duet with my brother. We're thinking of doing Spend My Life but there is drama involved in that. Long story. Gahh. Such petty problems, yet I'm sweating them.

JULY 15, 2003 :: 05:04PM

They call me "Front Karate Kick," FOO! Jammin' to ... feelin'

So I was playing a 'google image search your name' game and I found out that there is a Karate move called the "Mae Geri." It is a front lunge kick. Fuckin' weird, ey? Click here to see a demonstration. It's quite possibly the gayest martial arts move ever practiced. (My full name is Gerimae.)

JULY 13, 2003 :: 10:55PM

The World's Largest Migraine Jammin' to ... feelin'

I want to experience an East Coast winter and see how it compares to South West summers. I feel like I am in HELL right now. It's humid as motherfuck. The AC doesn't fucking work in my fucking room. I drove 400 miles in 6 hours in the fucking heat, thinking my AC is not cold because it just needs recharging. WRONG. There's a little button next to the AC system with a snowflake icon. If I had just pressed that damn button the AC would've turned on. Instead it was just hot air from outside blowing at me through the vents on full blast. Fuckin' A. I kept pouring water all over me from my water bottle to keep cool. I had to stop three times just to get a cold drink. I usually do not stop on road trips unless I need to, but I was dying on the road. Of course it doesn't help that I live in the fucking valley where it is hot as hell. I should be happy now that I've got my new car but I can't shake this headache. I wanted to snap some pictures of it while there was still sun out but of course all 5 of my damn camera batteries were dead. Unfuckingbelievable. I juiced up one of them and finally got to take some pictures, but the sun was already hiding. Ahh well. Tomorrow, when I get home from school and if I have enough energy, I'm gonna wash my baby and take some pictures. Weee. I love my new car. I will probably drive the Prelude to work for the next week though. My baby needs a rest after that long road trip. All I want to do right now is sleep but I've still got to read a chapter for school tomorrow and someone is coming by to buy a part off of me. I'm gonna lay down. Let's hope I don't fall asleep.

JULY 12, 2003 :: 11:30PM

Greetings from NorCal Jammin' to ... feelin'

Hey everyone! I am writing from my hotel room up here in Novato, CA. It's a city about 30 minutes north of San Francisco. The weather up here is awesome but a bit on the windy side. There are also hills galore. Quite a change from the hells of the valley. If you don't know I'm up here picking up my new car. Well, old-new car. It's a 1986 Porsche 951 (944 Turbo). BIG change. As soon as I move into my new apartment I won't be driving so much, so I can't justify a $400 monthly car payment. Insurance will probably be a tad higher, though. I still have my Prelude for now but as soon as it's all parted out and back to stock, and after I fix some crap on it, it's up for sale. I had a list in my head and went over it a thousand times so that I wouldn't forget anything before leaving. Well, I fucking forgot my laptop charger. I've got 43% battery life. Thank goodness I am leaving tomorrow morning. There is no life without laptops. Muahaha. Tomorrow I'm waking my ass up at 8am (9am, really), looking for the local Target, buying a damn boombox (because my car only has a tape deck), snacks, drinks and then hitting the open road. Still debating whether to meet up with my friends in Monterey for the drive home. Hmmm... I don't know. It's nice to have the company but then again I like having my own agenda. Alright... gotta save my battery life for an emergency. Bye!

JULY 10, 2003 :: 03:44PM

Problems (sort of) solved. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Whew. Got things under control. My initial wire transfer went through, and now I am going to fly to San Francisco Saturday afternoon, give the seller the balance, stay overnight and then hopefully meet up with my friends in Monterey for the ride home. I really, really don't want to trek to LA alone in an unfamiliar car. Not exactly how I wanted it to go, but at least everything is in place and that's all I care about. Man, I am a total zombie here at work. My work is piling up by the minute and I can't bring myself to dive in yet. Well I better get started because tomorrow will not be an easy day either.

JULY 10, 2003 :: 10:27AM

Anxiety attack. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I'm having one of those right now. I'm extremely worried that everything won't be finished before tomorrow morning. If it's not, then I'm fucked and I've royally fucked one of my friends. Shit. Damn.

JULY 09, 2003 :: 12:29PM

Someone that I used to love. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Wish it was enough for you All the love I had to give I did my best to keep you satisfied I guess you'll never know how much I tried I really tried And if ever our paths should cross again Well, you won't find me being the one To get lost again Once I had so much to give But you just refused my love From now on you're only someone That I used to love ----- I haven't spoken to him since (*checks calendar*) a couple days after Father's Day. Lord knows I've tried to, only to be ignored, repeatedly. I've stopped trying for a couple weeks now. But oh yes, he's definitely still on my mind. Every. Damn. Day. Funny, it seems like everytime I call and call and call, I get nothing. He says it's because he's never home to answer, or is always sleeping. Yet, when I stop calling, suddenly he reaches out to me. He said he hopes I'm doing ok. Hah! I wonder if he typed that with a straight face, as if he really, genuinely cared. .. because I know he doesn't. EDIT: If you haven't noticed, I am bitter. I borderline-hate him right now. For a while I blamed myself for this rut. Why should I? Why me? I fucking always take the blame for shit that I don't have to. That is how it has been for my entire life. Well it stops now. Did I break my own heart? No. Did I tell myself that I couldn't be with myself because I wasn't good enough for myself anymore? No. Did I string myself along for months and months while I tried to figure out a nice way to tell myself that I don't want myself anymore? FUCK NO.

JULY 08, 2003 :: 11:25AM

Yawn. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I'm wearing a black top, gray slacks, blue flip flops and absolutely no makeup. I've got three piles of work on my desk. 1) Statements to reconcile, 2) Bills to pay and 3) "Stuff" to do that didn't fit in any other category. My stomach is growling at me to feed it. I have to go to the bank (blah) and mail & ship store (blahx2) so it'll have to wait until then. There are only 3 other people in the office today. I wonder where the hell everyone else is. Those bastards. Oh wait, I took yesterday off. My sweetheart friend is nice enough to pick up my new car for me. I only trust him to take care of it. I should be zoom zooming in my new ride by Monday morning. Weee. Now if only the fucking landlord of my new apartment would give me a fucking move-in date. Apparently the chick that lives there hasn't gotten the FUCK out yet. I'm getting antsy. I already have a chair that I need delivered. And I need to get out of my current house, stat. Sooo many things to do in the month of July. This weekend I must pack and clean. The next weekend my friends and I have a bonfire, and it's also my grandparents' wedding (60th anniversary renewal thang). The week after that is my company's annual seminar. Muy importante. After that, I'm home FREEEE. So far. I can't wait. I fucking hate having obligations.

JULY 07, 2003 :: 11:57PM

I've focused my energies elsewhere... Jammin' to ... feelin'

... but apparently it was only a momentary lapse of happiness. I don't feel too good about things right now. Rightfully so, I suppose. It was stupid to begin with. Too good to be true, which of course always means just that. I feel like I've been had, once again. It's quite possible I'm overreacting, as I tend to do with many things. So, I'm backing off; letting things fall into place on their own. I've got a nervous twitch in my stomach. I fear it will not go away for at least another week. My life is spinning clockwise like a toilet flushing in Australia. I can't ask myself how I get myself into these messes. I already know how. I was conscious while making these decisions. Blah. I'm hating myself right now. Went to Vegas with my family this weekend. Not too fun. I don't want to go through all the details. Let me just tell you how much of a fucking pain in the ass it is to travel with 13 people, the majority of them being from a different country and not adept to Western ways. Guh, I wanted to hang myself so many times during the trip. Add the insane heat and moronic hotel staff and you've got yourself a horrible independence day weekend. On a happier note, Pirates of the Caribbean opens Wednesday!!! I <3 U Orlando.

JULY 03, 2003 :: 12:19PM

When I feel... what I feel... Jammin' to ... feelin'

...sometimes it's hard to tell you so. You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know. There are times when I find you wanna keep yourself from me. When I don't have the strength, I'm just a mirror of what I see... Okay, so the words don't really make sense. But I love this song. It's called At Your Best by the late Aaliyah. I think it's off her Age Ain't Nuthin But A Numba album when she was boinking then-40 year old R. Kelly. I'm leaving for Las Vegas tonight with my parents, brotha, sista, two aunts and grandma on my dad's side. They are here visiting from the Philippines. To tell you the truth I am kinda bummed that it's not an immediate-family-only trip, since that is how I planned it, but ahh well what can ya do. Then tomorrow night my dad's other sister who lives in San Diego is coming up to Vegas along with her family to join us. It is going to be crowded and HOT AS FUCK but I don't care. I'm not driving, and I'll be spending most of my time in air-conditioned casinos anyway. :D

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