February 2004

FEBRUARY 29, 2004 :: 12:29AM

MAC Cosmetics Jammin' to ... feelin'

I would like to take this opportunity to thank MAC for creating the perfect shade of lip gloss for me. After many, many months of searching and many, many tubes of worthless lipgloss, I've found the perfect shade. It's called Chai and is from MAC's Tinted Lipglass line. You see, my lips look really strange with lipstick and the wrong shade can be disastrous. Certain brands of lip gloss are really thick and way too shiny or make me look like I slobbered all over myself. Lipglass has just the right amount of gloss. I guess paying $13.50 for a 0.2oz tube really is worth it. Hmm.

FEBRUARY 29, 2004 :: 12:11AM

Not much to say again. Jammin' to ... feelin'

... and even though I don't have much to say I'll probably end up typing a lot more than I usually do. My apartment is in shambles. Boxes everywhere. I don't know what is or isn't trash. Oh how I loathe the moving process. What's that you say? Moving? Uh huh. Moving into a new place on Tuesday where we can live in peace with our dog and not have to worry about accidentally making a noise that our overly sensitive neighbor might hear. I can't fracking wait. First thing I'm gonna do when we're all done moving in is play DDR. WOO HOO. I haven't played since we moved into this apartment, and it's really my only source of exercise. Well now I've got DDR again AND I'll be walking to work everyday. Neato. It's the ex's birthday on Wednesday. March 3rd... March 3rd... that date rang in my head, trying desperately to spark a memory, for the past week. I thought, who the hell do I know that has a birthday on March 3rd? Ahhhh, I remember now. Rob's birthday! I haven't called him or even thought about him in so long. There was a time where I knew I wasn't over him yet, but I had reached the acceptance stage. This was a time where I got through the days fine and all, but he still managed to creep into my thoughts a few times a day. Now, days go by where I don't think of him at all. I've completely forgotten how his kiss tasted, or how warm his arms were around me, or his... uh you know. Even if I stopped to really think about it, nah, still can't remember how good it was. In the past I've held myself back from calling him. Now, I'm not even sure I memorize his number anymore. This is all totally a good thing. Just when I thought it was impossible... :] Still haven't gotten the opportunity to massabate. I feel like Samantha in that episode of Sex and the City where she loses her orgasm. Well, I guess the difference is I haven't even had a chance to try. As soon as I climb into bed, ready to do the deed, my eyelids fall and I wake up the next morning with my hand in my skivvies. Then I get nervous, look for my clothes, wondering how much I had to drink the previous night, with my hand trying to explain to me that "nothing happened." Heh.

FEBRUARY 26, 2004 :: 06:18PM

Breathe... breathe... Jammin' to ... feelin'

FUCK BREATHING. #$%#$%^$%#$!@@#@!!#$#@$@!! I'm beyond angry. At 5:30 I called SBC customer service. I need to transfer my DSL and phone line. The fucking automated menu has such fucking vague choices so I picked the closest one that relates to my issue. I wait for five minutes and a gal picks up. I tell her what I need to do and she says OK, I'll transfer you to the right department. Uh, ok. Another five minutes pass and another gal picks up. I tell her what I need to do. She says, OK, let me get you to the right department. :miffed: WHAT? Ok, fine, get me over there. She transfers me to the fucking main greeting again. Yooooou biiiiitch. I decided to try another option on the menu, billing. I click on billing and it gives me two options. English or Spanish. English mothafucka [do you speak it?]! Then I get put on hold with elevator music. Ten minutes later I say, this is bullshit I'll probably be transferred again anyway since it's not really a billing question, hang up, and dial the main SBC customer service line [I had called the SBC DSL line]. They're fucking closed. WHAT?!? So I call the DSL line again and now their greeting is telling me they're closed too. WHAT HUH WHO?!!? Oh hell. I hung up and kept calm for a few seconds then started banging away into this little Greymatter box. I'm already fucking dealing with my stupid-ass shady landlord, the new apartment's incompetent management staff, the DMV for my Prelude sale, and people who keep emailing me about buying my piano. Oh yeah, and let us not forget work and school. I'm literally writhing in my chair right now because I'm so damn pissed off. I need to blow off some steam and preferrably in the form of my fist to someone's face.

FEBRUARY 26, 2004 :: 01:22AM

No use for a name. Jammin' to ... feelin'

I don't really have anything to say. I still feel compelled to type something in here though. I apologize in advance because my thoughts are going to jump back and forth randomly in this entry. What the HELL is up with this rain?? I don't mind it really, but it's been coming down HARD for the past 8 hours nonstop. Sure it's normal to get rain in Sunny SoCal, but it usually comes in 20-30 minute spurts with an hour or so in between each. Just please don't let it be raining on the 2nd. Please, please, please! Listening to Together Forever by Shai. Ahhh memories. Good jam. This song, my comfortable bed, and the sound of the rain is soooo soothing right about now. Now if only I had [bleep] around to make the most of this moment. ;] Boo to technicalities! Watched the Laker game tonight. :inserthugesmilehere: Like I mentioned earlier, our CEO is back in full force at the office after a year-long hiatus. He went on psycho leave for a while but he's finally getting back into the swing of things. Well, during this year we hired a new Office Manager after I moved up into my current position. He doesn't realize that she is now at his beck and call and I no longer am. His office is right next door to mine, so I guess it's easy to yell for me through the wall but c'mon now! Cut the umbilical cord already! He also tends to act all Fatherly towards me. For example, our lunches are pretty candid and vulgar. Whenever sex comes up and I'm involved, he says "guys, don't talk like that around Mae! She's too young!" Or like today when I was teasing my coworker about some girl I said "ohh so you hit it and quit it eh?" CEO man blushed and said "don't talk like that Mae." As if I'm 12 years old!!! Whatevaaaa. Hahaha. Alright, it's been a while so I'm gonna go massabate and get some shut eye.

FEBRUARY 23, 2004 :: 03:49PM

Meetings are great. Jammin' to ... feelin'

They're about as great as diving onto a dry slip 'n slide a la Dicky Roberts. The theme at work this year is "Systems and Organization." Ok, so we don't really have a theme but that's what our goal is for this year and the years to come. We have two people running the finances of the company. Myself and my boss. Unfortunately, both of us are the same way. We're both extremely disorganized in certain areas even though we know exactly what we're doing inside our own heads. Can't happen this year. Today we had our first official Department Meeting, complete with our CEO and COO [means Chief Operating Officer, not the lazy version of "crazy."] sitting in. Although I could've done WITHOUT this type of meeting on a Monday where I'm not fully functional yet, I am happy to say that it went quite smoothly considering it was the first time we ever did anything remotely close to what "real" companies do. Heh. This year is going to be tough, but in a good way. Whew.

FEBRUARY 23, 2004 :: 12:20AM

The Love Affair Ends... Jammin' to ... feelin'

Well it had to end sometime. And it's about time too because they were running out of makeup to cover the girls' crows feet. They be lookin' old! And there are only so many more bad dates the girls can go on. Charlotte has Harry. Miranda finally has Steve. Samantha and Smith are too fucking cute, and Carrie was always meant to be with... ya know. Sex and the City has been my only reason for subscribing to HBO for the past six years, and now that it's over I don't know if I need pay cable anymore. Hahaha... I can't wait until Season 6 comes out on DVD. Damn, I even registered ilovesexandthecity.com two years ago. 'Twas supposed to be a comprehensive guide to the show and THE ultimate fan site. HAHA yes, I'm a freak. I never got around to it though... eh, even though it's over I can still make some kinda tribute since I already have the domain anyway. It's raining... it's pouring... my poor Porsche is broken. Eek. I better knock on wood cuz it's not really broken. Today my sister and I went to Ruby's for dinner in Woodland Hills. When we got back to the car it was pouring so I turned the rear wiper on. Suddenly I hear a cracking noise, look in my rear view and see that the blade had broken off the wiper arm. FUGG! Well at least it didn't break off on the freeway. Looks like the bolt just came loose and will be an easy fix. Couldn't see through my back window on the way home though. Poop. Rain suxx. Well, I only like rain if I don't have any outdoor plans. It's soothing to wake up to the sound of rain on a Sunday morning. On that note, it's now Monday morning. Another work week... absolutely nothing to look forward to. Poopx2.

FEBRUARY 21, 2004 :: 09:00PM

Zango > * Jammin' to ... feelin'

I've just discovered the most delectable dessert ever invented. Do you like warm caramelly-ish desserts? Do you like cheesecake? Do you like the flakey texture of a fried tortilla? Well then get your ass on over to Rubio's Baja Grill and order yourself a Zango. OH MY FRACKIN HELL it's good. My sister and I had some fish tacos and she suggested we order a Zango. "a who-a whutt-a?" I said. She went up to the counter and ordered one. A few minutes later the nice Rubio's employee brought a small plate with a toron-lookin' [banana lumpia] dessert drizzled with dulce de leche sauce. Interesting... took my fork and had a small bite... WHOA. So this is what heaven tastes like!! Heaven in a tiny, warm and creamy toron wannabe dessert.

FEBRUARY 20, 2004 :: 10:19AM

Bitter. :shakesfistatunclesam: Jammin' to ... feelin'

It's Friday. I made it through the week in one piece. I think I can take ten minutes out of the workday to put something in this thing. So, like the title says, I'm a bit bitter. Everyone I know [except my darling Chris] is getting a refund check. What do I get? I get to pay at least $400! Weee hee hee. All because I can't fucking remember to tell Jamie to change my allowances to ZERO. Speaking of which.. let me pencil it into Outlook right now. While everyone is hustling and bustling to file their returns, I'm taking my gotdamn sweet time. I can't afford to toss four bills around with all the drama happening in my life. So, screw you Tito Sam, your ass is gonna have to wait for my skrilla!

FEBRUARY 19, 2004 :: 04:21PM

Wow. I finally caught a break. Jammin' to ... feelin'

For one of my classes, we're required to participate in the newsgroup discussions at least 5 days a week. Two substantial postings adding to the discussion per day. For some reason I totally spaced out this week and missed three days. Even if I posted 10 times for each of the next 4 days I still wouldn't get full participation credit. I even turned in one assignment late and almost didn't do my paper that was due last night. I figured, fuck man, I'm not gonna get full credit for this week so why even bother. But I busted my ass and turned in the paper I half-assedly conjoured up before the deadline. The only other assignment I turned in on time was this 8th grade style vocabulary worksheet that was more tedious than brainpower-err...ing. [I know that's not a word shaddup your face.] So we get our grades back for the week and I got full credit on everything except... THAT MOTHAFUGGIN VOCAB ASSIGNMENT! Hahahaha.. oh man. I totally breezed through the vocab sheet and didn't even care if I got some wrong. In the end I missed 9 out of 100 or so. But everything else, including participation, the assignment I turned in late, and the paper I diarrhea'd all over MS Word for, I got full credit. Strange. But I'll take it!

FEBRUARY 17, 2004 :: 04:00PM

He's got game. Jammin' to ... feelin'

He's leaving me wanting more and more each time. He gives me a peek and I show him the world. He leaves me in the dark. He keeps me guessing. He keeps my on my toes... and he knows exactly what he's doing. He's got game.

FEBRUARY 16, 2004 :: 04:45PM

Holy shit I'm losin it. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Fuck. I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. Ten mothafucking million things are being thrown at me and I can't seem to hit them out of the ball park. I'm getting pummeled for peter paul and mary's sake. One right after the other. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Work. School. My other work. Taxes. Finalizing the process of selling the Prelude. Approvals. Deposits. First and last month. Terminating leases. AAAAHHH!!! I need to get out of here before I try to stab myself with this ruler.

FEBRUARY 16, 2004 :: 11:29AM

I feel like shlit. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Oh hell. I want to keel over and die. It is 11:10AM and I don't think I can make it through the rest of the day. I woke up at 5:45 this morning and just about threw my alarm clock across the room. Then I realized it wasn't my alarm clock making all that racket, but my cell phone. So I threw that thing across the room too. I later apologized to the phone but not the clock. Screw you, clock. :finger: I didn't end up rolling out of bed until 8:30. My new morning routine requires 40 minutes from wake-up time to exit-door time [don't ask] so I already knew I was going to be late for work. I didn't care. I was feeling uber shitty; probably from all that crap I ate at the Macaroni Grill last night. Before I went to bed [2:00AMish] I ate an entire packet full of Smarties too. Uhh. So this morning, on top of not getting enough sleep, my stomach was going crazy. As soon as I get to the office it's crisis central. Our office was mysteriously broken into over the weekend and a few things are missing and everyone is pretty frazzled. Had to put a few fires out, neglecting my own important shit that needed to be done, so of course that helped my already shitty mood right? Things are starting to calm down a bit, so I may take off in a couple hours. I don't want to though... knowing me I'll forget I even wanted to take the rest of the day off and by the time I remember, it'll be 4PM and pointless. A few other things are also swirling around in this little scatterbrain of mine. Work, school, people, certain people, relocation, money, time, blah blah blah fuggidy blah. Life is dicking me around with no KY and it hurts.

FEBRUARY 15, 2004 :: 01:15PM

Holy great weekend. Jammin' to ... feelin'

That's right folks, my biggest wish for 2004 was to attend the NBA All-Star weekend in some way, shape or form and it CAME TRUE! WTF?! Neat. My sister called me Friday afternoon and said her coworker was selling two suite tickets to the Saturday night All-Star event. I said GET 'EM!!! I would've liked tickets to the game itself but hey, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I snatched it up while I could. I took my brother along because he loves the game as much as me. The tickets are premier seating so we had to mix in with a bunch of "important" people. On the way to the suite we were cramped in the same elevator as Chingy and his entourage. I didn't even know it was him, my brother had pointed it out. Later on my brother informed me that Tamia sang Canadia's national anthem and we missed it. GAH!!!! Sux to be me. We got there pretty late and missed the shooting stars competition because of traffic and lack of convenient parking. I hadn't eaten anything the whole day yet so I was dying. The suite has a fully stocked bar so my brother raided the fridge for me but only came up with some Sierra Mist and lots of chips. Oh well, I needed something to fill my tummy. Afterwards I checked out the bar and there were freakin' hot dogs and wings there! I was ready to strangle my brother for not looking hard enough. Haha. All in all it was a great experience, but now I'm wanting more. I want to see the game in person. But eh, that's ok. I'll catch it on the tube. I've stayed in the suite a few times before during Lakers and Clippers games but finally got around to taking pictures of the pimp amenities. I still prefer the floor seats though. :] After the festivities we hit up Krua Thai for some bbq and tea. Oh gawd, I ate so damn much it hurt my stomach to breathe. HAHA. Never again... never again.

FEBRUARY 13, 2004 :: 01:27AM

He smells like armpit. Jammin' to ... feelin'

... and a five foot long trail of his scent follows him where ever he goes. I wish I were exaggerating. How can someone seriously not feel ashamed, or even smell his own funk? I'm telling you, it's so bad I have to hold my breath when he walks near me. Such a shame because he's a pleasant person to be around. I don't think he knows that he smells like 6 day old, sweaty undershirts. So this new version of Greymatter has built-in smilies. I'd love to use them except I'm really anal retentive when it comes to the fluidity of my blog entries. Using a smiley will make the line-spacing all funky, and I'm not down foe dat. The add-entry page also has a field for music and mood. Hah, oh man. I remember back in the days of strict Notepad journal archiving where I'd manually input the date, subject and whatever I'm listening to for each entry. I believe Kristine still does that too. Man, those were the days. I'd give almost anything to have all my old journal archives from when I first started this crap. TGIF... even though it's going to be a hellish Friday for me. I hope I make it to Saturday in one piece.

FEBRUARY 09, 2004 :: 02:11AM

How do you like your tits? Jammin' to ... feelin'

You like showin' them off? I didn't like showing them off at the Cheetah. Why not? It made me feel like a whore. You are a whore. <glaresatyou> I am not a whore! More quality quotes from the greatest movie of all time, Showgirls. It's about 2am and I'm still awake. Trusty Showtime has played Showgirls again for me so I'll probably be up until it's done. Wee. ++ I've started to think about a certain someone from my past again. I don't know where it came from but I suddenly wanted him all over again. Well... I never had him in the first place but the desire was there, again. That should clear up any thoughts about it being an ex-boyfriend. Nope, definitely not an ex-boyfriend. I wonder if there is anything planned for us in the future. Hmmmm... only time will tell. Aaaand it's back to work for me in about 5 hours. Maybe 6 if I decide to sleep in. This week might as well be ten days long because I have nothing to look forward to on the weekend anyhow. Well, aside from NBA ALL STAR WEEKEND. WOo WOo. Maybe I'll be nice and invite the guy over. Maybe not though because he doesn't like basketball and he'll just get irritated from me not paying attention to anything but the game. OOH it's the pool sex scene on Showgirls. Later!

FEBRUARY 08, 2004 :: 04:16PM

I.O.U. One Galaxy Jammin' to ... feelin'

New tune on the jukebox in honor of Valentine's Day. Sorta. Well there's mention of a Valentine in the lyrics so I threw it up there. Notice anything else different? Heh. I watched The Debut and Better Luck Tomorrow [finally!] yesterday. I liked both movies for different reasons. I thought some parts of The Debut were corny as hell but I did laugh at a lot of moments [i.e., Barrel Man and "chocolate meat" -- HAHAHA!]. Parts of the debut were sooo damn true, like the mayabang Auntie who flirts with her nephews and how the grown-ups always have to dance the freakin' electric slide. Some Most of the acting was horrible but hey, no biggie. I would say that I'm definitely more of a coconut but I do have some fobulous tendencies, so I'm somewhere in between. Pretty good movie; I give it a thumb up and one sideways. Better Luck Tomorrow was on a whole 'nother level. Better acting, better story, better movie overall. The ending was kinda weird but I guess it was best to end it that way rather than carry the story on with the guys facing any legal repercussions and all that. I'll probably watch both movies again before I return them. Change of subject... I SOLD THE PRELUDE! HOORAY!! After paying for a car that I don't even drive for 6 damn months, it is finally out of my hands. I have a FOR SALE sign on it but didn't have it on Autotrader or anything like that. I finally got a chance to take thorough pictures of it when I went to San Diego last weekend, so I put it up on Autotrader and within a week someone bought it in cash. Now I've gotta write the payoff check to Honda so I can get the nice lady the title. Then I'm HOME FREE. No more car payments!! [For now.. ;)]

FEBRUARY 06, 2004 :: 10:58PM

For once, junk mail is useful. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Every other day I get an email newsletter from Ticketmaster telling me not to miss out on some lame show they're selling tickets for. Since it's much easier to delete it than go in and unsubscribe, I just let it be. Today the message was "Don't miss out on Miss Saigon!" Ack! I opened up the email and they're playing it at the Pechanga theatre in Temecula. Temecula?!!? Groan. I already saw it for the third time last March. I don't think I need to go all the way to BFE and watch it again. Ahh well. I hear they're making a movie. Please let it be true!!! I want to redesign the site. But I also want to watch my Family Guy Season 1 DVDs. But I also want to watch the two movies I rented at Blockbuster tonight. But I also want to snuggle with my pillows and dream of .. stuff. But I also want to soak in a hot bath. But I also want to... Man, I think I choose to redesign the site. I've got an entire day to myself tomorrow. I'll watch the DVDs then.

FEBRUARY 06, 2004 :: 10:27AM

Ten dolla make you holla! Jammin' to ... feelin'

This morning I stood in front of my closet, wet and butt nekkid, contemplating what to wear to work. It's bum Friday but we have these "important" people coming into the office so I had to find a happy medium between scrub and professional. I pulled out a pair of non-raggedy jeans. Man, it's great having clean laundry. So as I'm looking for a top to wear I'm half nekkid and still shivering so I stuff my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. Wha.. huh.. wow.. whoa.. I FOUND TEN DOLLARS!! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Speed Queen washing machine manufacturers for developing a washer that's strong enough to get the dirt and stank out, but gentle enough to keep my Hamilton intact. Oh yeah, my review went well yesterday. A little too well. So well that I was wondering if Ashton Kootchie was gonna jump out of the filing cabinet and say I just got punk'd. I marked mostly "satisfactory" on the checklist and boss man got mad at me for that. He asked why I didn't mark "exceptional" on most things and I said.. umm.. well I'm not one to praise myself for shit that I'm already supposed to be doing. I felt quite guilty when he said that I'm always 100% focused on work and always motivated and all that crap. I must fake it quite well. Yes, I'm good at faking it.

FEBRUARY 05, 2004 :: 10:03AM

Annual Review Jammin' to ... feelin'

Boss man was out yesterday so my annual review is rescheduled for today at 1PM. I'm supposed to fill out the review thing myself, but I glanced at it the other day and though, eh I can pull something out of my rear in five minutes' time. It's in some wetarded word editor format so I printed it out thinking it was just one page. 8 mothafuggin' pages later the document finally finished printing. What da!! Gonna take me forever to write this now. I am my own worst critic [seriously, I am. My boss once asked me, "do you ever say anything nice about yourself?"] so filling this thing out without sounding suicidal will be tough. I'm pretty hard on myself but I never think I'm not good enough for something. Here, I'll let you in on a little secret. I refuse to do anything I'm not at least pretty good at. HAHA. Therefore, I'm "pretty good" at everything I do. Yah... ow, I just got a cramp patting myself on the back.

FEBRUARY 05, 2004 :: 01:59AM

You're a fuckin' stripper! Jammin' to ... feelin'

<glaresatyou> "I'm a dancer!!!!" I swear that is my new favorite movie quote. As I was being the dilligent student that I am, finishing my homework, I flipped through the channels for some entertainment. I usually start at channel 201 because that's when my oogles of premium channels start. Flip... flip... ooh, Curb Your Enthusiasm!... nehhhh.. flip... flip... SCORE!!! SHOWGIRLS IS ON! I've seen this movie 4.8 million times and I never figured out the point of it until tonight. It's simply about boobies. Boobies and lots of makeup. Oh and boobies. Jesse Spano's boobies. And her 10lbs. of makeup. Gotdamn she looks scary in this movie. For the first half hour it was just amusing to watch, then it gradually got painful. More and more painful with every jiggle of the Spano boob and flash of the horse teef. But I kept watching. Why? Because nekkid Gina Gershon made it all worthwhile. Oh Gina. Oh, oh Gina. [sung to the tune of "Oh Sheila."] She was born without the skin connecting her upper lip to her nose, but hey, that's part of what makes her bootyful I think. Oh... oh Gina. Next subject! Random outburst. While bored out of my mind earlier I perused this site once again and found that we have the same birthday. Same year even. Strange... strange indeed. New subject again. So ummmmm... if only you knew. I must have rehearsed my lines a thousand times until I had them memorized. But when I get up the nerve to tell you the words they never seem to come out right. Oh if... only you knew... how much I do...

FEBRUARY 04, 2004 :: 11:12AM

Scarves in SoCal. Jammin' to ... feelin'

What is it with this new scarf trend? Sure, if you live in the Northeast or any other cold climate, a scarf serves a purpose. But if you live in fucking CALIFORNIA, you don't need a gotdamn scarf!!! Northern Cali, ok no big deal. It does get pretty damn cold up there. But we're in Los Angeles. The weather hasn't dipped below 50 degrees for as long as I can remember. I was born and raised in tropical climates so 50 degrees is cold to me, but not cold enough that I need to wrap a trendy noose around my neck. Ok, ok. Maybe I'm being too opinionated. Afterall my motto is "being antitrendy is so trendy." But you have to admit, seeing these girls walk around in a tank top or tube top with a colorful scarf around their neck, while still keeping a straight face? Now that's amazing.

FEBRUARY 04, 2004 :: 01:36AM

I see your picture... Jammin' to ... feelin'

...I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine. You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away... Ok, enough with the song lyrics. I'm proud of myself. I actually made use of my day off by doing twelve loads of laundry. It's quite refreshing opening up my closet and having lots of clean clothes to choose from. Whenever I run out of clean clothes I have to break out the old dresses and what not and throw random pieces of clothing that look semi-ok together. It feels like forever since I've been at work. Uh, I was just there yesterday (Monday) but missing one day threw my whole internal clock off. As I was thinking about work earlier, I was stress-free for once. I had the take-it-as-it-comes attitude which felt great!! But I'm back to stressin'. I have my annual review tomorrow. I'm not so worried about that. It's the same shit every year. I'm supposed to review myself and compare notes with the boss man but I haven't done that yet. It's at 5:30pm so I have time to fill the thingamajigger out in the morning. So what the fuck am I stressing about anyway? It's complicated, really. Damn, I hope I remember to deposit my two checks tomorrow morning. I just checked my balance and my direct deposit hasn't gone through yet, so I've got a whopping $50 in my checking. Woo hoo! Just paid rent too. Yeah, that's a possible disaster. I briefly read though some very, very old archives and I noticed something. I used to be very cheerful. When the hell did I become the token angry blogger grrl?!? Sheesh, I guess I better lighten up before I become someone that I can't stand.

FEBRUARY 03, 2004 :: 03:24PM

A day of rest. Jammin' to ... feelin'

My trusty dual-alarm system woke me up this morning at the usual 5:45am. I was quickly greeted by a wonderful pain in my lower abdomen. Hooray for cramps. There was no way I'd be able to get out of bed so I called in sick today. I feel bad since it's such a busy time of year, but I need my rest. I can't help but feel shameful everytime I look at my own website. Hahaha, I'm such a freak. I can't believe I recycled two year old layout. I like it and all but it's not going to be up for much longer. Once the creative juices start flowin', this layout is getting the boot. Still keeping a similar color scheme though. I really like this shade of pinkish-red. I was browsing Aivy's site and checked out her site of the moment. I'm gonna have to agree, Aivy. ;] The 2004 NBA All-Star team has been announced. Yao is only on there [as a starter] because he's a freak of nature and the fans eat that shit up. Happy to see Kobe made the cut too even after his stupidity/legal troubles. I'm still quite bitter that the mothafuggin' weekend passes are $500-600 for even the nosebleed seats. I'd seriously donate my right breast for pair of decent tickets to the game. I'd love to see the rookie game, slam dunk contest and all that jazz but that would require a donation of both breasts. Sigh... afterall, when is All Star weekend going to be in my city ever again? Boo. Someone emailed me asking me why I never talk about my "love" life anymore. Not like I'm the most secretive person in the world, it's just not that interesting really. I have been seeing somebody casually since October. I don't have the time, patience or ability to invest in anything at the moment. ESPECIALLY a relationship. My last relationship drained almost every ounce of emotion out of me. Now that the lil ol' heart is all healed up, I can't go around exposing it to whomever comes my way, ya know. ;] Trust me if anything juicy were going on my life you'd [or at least those with RAW access] know about it.

FEBRUARY 02, 2004 :: 12:59AM

Monday morning woes. Jammin' to ... feelin'

Where did the weekend go? Why does it feel like only yesterday that I was happily exiting the building and heading towards my car to enjoy my days off? Oh well. I guess I have to learn to accept it and just keep looking forward to the next weekend instead of dreading the upcoming week. I shouldn't even have to dread the work week. I heart my job. I heart my coworkers. I should really heart life. But why don't I? Bah. We can have a million dollars, own a Ferrari, marry the love of our life, but few people can say that they're truly satisfied with what they've got. Even with all the materialistic bullshit most people find themselves wanting more. What the.. boy did I go off on a tangent. I'm trying desperately to take a page out of my friend's handbook 'o life and not stress. I ask myself, will anything change for the better if I stress about something? Will the outcome be different? More often than not the outcome will remain the same whether I stress about it day and night or not. So, maybe I'll want to jump out of the window a lot less if I try not to think so much. It feels weird inside, though. It's almost like I'm doing a bad thing; bottling myself up, shaking it all around and waiting for the carbonation to burst through. Maybe what I need is a good, long cry to let it all out of my system. I haven't in a while. In fact I don't remember the last time I shed a tear. I'd consider that a good thing eh. Spent the weekend in San Diego. Perused Fashion Valley mall and was happy to see that the parking lots were empty. Probably because everyone was at someone's house for the Supa Bowl. Thank gawd for sales because I was able to get 10 panties from VS for just under $40. I hit up The Body Shop for some facial crap. Got some Vitamin E stuff for my face and it feels really nice. I don't know, maybe it's the weather but my skin has gotten really sensitive and dry in certain areas. Lady said this crap would help with that. It better frackin help cuz I dropped $55 on a bunch of stuff. Then it was over to Sephora. All I wanted was a freakin' lip gloss stick and an eyeliner. An hour and $65 later I came out with a lip gloss and perfume. No eyeliner. Oh well, at least I'll smell nice. :p Holy long entry. It's 1am... gonna try to go into work early. yah, right. Well, here's hoping.

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