current time is 7:57:14 PM
I love you! :o)
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current time is 2:21:11 PM
The "space" has become permanent.... he left me for good.
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current time is 9:14:45 PM
Dear you.
I can't begin to tell you how lost I am without your guidance. We were part of each others' lives, and it feels like I am starting my life all over again. I know you will never read this, but it feels a lot better inside to know that I let it out, because Lord knows that I need to get this out of my system.
One of the worst feelings in the world is loving someone more than anything else in the world, and then not having them reciprocate. You feel so helpless, and weighed down by these emotions, and it starts to affect the way you function on a daily basis. Well, at least that's what's happening to me. It's been a full week since we've had any contact... and any last hope I had of you ever loving me again has disintegrated. I never, ever, in 20 million years thought that it would come to this. I fell in love with you thinking I would never cry senseless tears again. I was in denial for a while, I kept telling myself that you would soon come out of your spell and come back to me. Denial has now turned into a harsh reality.
I don't know what you did to me. I really don't. The slightest thought of packing my bags and leaving this island we shared together makes me sick to my stomach. I can't help but feel angry and cheated out of a love that could have been so fucking wonderful. Anyone who says that I am overreacting obviously has never felt this way before, and definitely not to the degree that I am feeling it. I meant every word I said to you... It may have been so easy for you to fall out of love with me, but I am still in love with you and it's going to stay that way for a while.
It's time for me to make some drastic changes in my life. I am moving out of my apartment, because I cannot stand to live here knowing that you are not going to be here with me anymore. We have slept together on the telephone every night since I moved in, and now I have to sleep with the lights and the radio on just so that I don't feel so lonely. It's hard.... so fucking hard to deal with this shit. I realize now, more than ever, how much I need you in my life to take care of me because I am not as strong as I'd like to be.
Sometimes I wish you had never called me that night I gave you my number. If you hadn't, we'd still be friends right now. I wouldn't be in this emotional shit hole. But I know what you're thinking.... I can say all the shoulda coulda woulda's I want, nothing is going to change.
My heartbeat gradually slows down every day... my heart is lonely without yours, and I am lonely without you.
i love you,
mae
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current time is 12:21:10 PM
wow... thanks for all the emails guys and gals... seriously, i feel a lot better now :o)
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current time is 9:37:09 PM
listening to >>> "before you walk out of my life" by monica
I watched that new Mandy Moore movie today with my sister and cousins. I'm not ashamed to admit that I actually enjoyed that movie even though I do not usually enjoy sappy teeny bopper movies. It was so sad too, my sister kept crying. Haha. My sister says it's just like "Here On Earth" (I wouldn't know, I've never seen it) but sadder. Ohhkk... alright, alright! I admit, I cried a little during the movie. *sigh* Maybe if I was happy with my love life I wouldn't have cried. But I just had to.
It was raining today.... boo!! (wtf? I've been saying "boo" a lot lately)
What should I have for dinner. I want sushi, so so so bad, but Kuishimbo is closed right now. Maybe I'll just go to Carl's Jr... or maybe not. I'm not extremely hungry, so I'll just save my money.
This is the longest getting-over-a-guy period I've ever had to deal with. Hell even my 4 year relationship only took me 2 days to get over -- if that. Maybe even 1 day. It's been over three weeks and I still am not over it. I get over it for an hour or so, then I go back to being miserable. Misery is not fun.
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