10.21.2000

current time is 5:37:32 PM
listening to >>> "look at us" by sabrina paris
I didn't download this song. My brother downloaded it and it just happened to be playing when I started to type this. [excuses, excuses. hehe] Well anyways on with the entry. It's 5:15 pm on a Saturday night. Obviously I still do not have plans because obviously I am still a loser. No I'm kidding. I'm not really a loser, I just like to say I'm a loser so that people will say "Oh Mae, you're not a loser." Haha dude I'm delirious. It's raining outside and for once I hate it! I used to love the rain when I was in high school. Maybe it's because that meant no running in PE.

I just got home from grocery shopping for my mom. We have a new Albertson's at the new mall so of course everyone, including myself, just has to go there to get groceries now. The aisles aren't that big, there are people clogging up every row, and to top it off the shopping carts are freakin' wide as hell. Dude.. it's like road rage at the supermarket. Aisle rage I suppose. I stood in line for a good fifteen minutes too because this elderly couple ahead of me decided it's time to stock up on canned pork and beans. I was in the express lane, 10 items or less, and here they were with twenty cans of pork and beans. "I'm sorry, sir but you're over the ten item limit," said the cashier. The old man replied "What? I only have one item here, see pork and beans." I understood his argument but dude get on with it already. The manager stepped in and rang him up but told him that next time he can only have up to ten pieces of whatever in this lane. Then came my turn at the register and I was off.

I soooooo need an oil change.

My dad left for the Philippines this morning. I was still sleeping so I didn't get to say bye or anything. I'm gonna miss my dad. He's hardly ever home because of his hectic work schedule so I whenever he does come home I get all happy. He works every single day, holidays and weekends from around 9am to 8pm. He's a driving instructor so he has students non stop. That's why it took me forever to get my damn license, he never had time to teach me. But hey, at least I got free drivers ed and drivers training right? Heh.

You know what, I think I'm going to take Jason out to dinner and maybe a movie tonight. He's been really bummed out the past couple days and I hate seeing him like this. I've been blowing him off left and right and after all the nice things he's done for me he soo does not deserve to be treated this way. I'm gonna try to hook him up with a girl. Hehe.. he's cute girls! Damn I wish I had a picture of him to post. HAHA! Yeah I think I've found the solution to my problems. If I hook him up with someone, he'll be out of my hair, and if he likes her, he'll be thankful and we'll still be good friends. Yeah baby. I'm so good.
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current time is 2:02:13 AM
listening to >>> "why do i believe" by pebbles
I can't sleep gahdamnit. And then now that I got up and turned on the computer I'm starting to doze off again. Blah. If I turn off the computer and get in bed I won't be able to fall asleep again. Maybe I should just sleep with my head resting on the keyboard. Umm.... nah not a good idea... *sigh* Well I'm gonna try my best to get some shut eye. G'Night.
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10.20.2000

current time is 9:37:11 PM
listening to >>> "my favorite game" by the cardigans
Wanna see something so freakin' cool?

That is what's called a personalized minimo created by the one and only mokuboy. He's a cool friend I met on the superhonda web board. He made it for me a couple days ago but I kept forgetting to post it up on my page. Thanks again Rob!

Anyways, yes it's Friday night and I'm at home. I went to Jason's house earlier for a little bit. He's still a little mad at me I think. It was like talking to a brick wall. He'd give me one word answers all night long so I decided to go home. I mean if I was gonna be talking to myself I might as well do it in the comfort of my own room. I deserve it anyway so I'll let him cool off for a couple days. *sigh* Boys boys boys. Why can't I meet a normal guy for once?? Is that too much to ask? Hehe.

My dad is leaving for the Philippines tomorrow morning. He's going to be gone for about 2½ weeks I think. Too bad my mom's not going with him. Hehe... I'm so bad. I remember the last two times they left for the Philippines. The first time my brother went with them too so I had the house ALL to myself. My ex freakin' slept over every single day it was like we were living with each other. The second time my brother stayed behind but my ex still slept over every single day. Haha. Well even if my mom did go this time.. I wouldn't have anyone to sleep over with anyway. *sigh* It's weird being single.

Man I've been on a downloading frenzy! For the past week or so I've been downloading like crazy off of napster. Geez I'm not sure how long it'll stay up so I gotta get some songs while I can. I don't know why I never took advantage of this before. =)

On my way home from Jason's house I swear every other car on the road was a honda/acura. Whenever I'm stopped on an incline I have a habit of rocking my car back and forth, so today I was next to a hooked up integra with a bunch of guys in it who were revving at me like they wanted to race. Ummmm... OK? I still don't get it. Why do a bunch of guys want to race a girl in a stock civic? I ignored them and turned up the volume on my radio. It was obvious that I did not want to race but sure enough when the light turned green they zoom off into the night. What a bunch of losers.

I want a body kit for my car. Not yet though. That will have to wait a couple months. First I'm going to put the new suspension in, and then put on my rims. After that I will save up for my engine! Yeah baby! My friend works at a local speed shop and is gonna hook me up with an AEM CAI, DC 4-2-1 ceramic header, and a GReddy Evo cat back. He's been a good friend for a long ass time so he's gonna try to get me that package for under $900. Eek I'm excited! It helps to have hook ups! Oh and the reason I'm talking about my car again is because I got my December issue of Sport Compact Car today and spent a good amount of time reading it.

Ok enough bloggin' today. Bye!
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current time is 4:26:21 PM
listening to >>> "summertime" by sublime & pharcyde
Do you remember a long time ago when no one ever used scribble.nu or blogger? We wrote our journal entries manually into the HTML page and uploaded them every single time? Well back then I used to also mention whatever song I was listening to at that very moment. It gives the reader a good idea of what kind of mood I'm in. I think I'm going to start doing that again from now on.

If you have a compatible phone, you should check out yourmobile.com. Most of you probably already know about this site but I thought I'd share it with you anyway. My phone comes with a bunch of rings but I don't like any of them so I downloaded "santeria" by sublime. Hehe... so whenever someone calls me it plays santeria. Coolness. Jason has a light blue nokia face plate and he knows I want it so he's gonna give it to me. =) I'm gonna give him my "stock" face plate. Figuratively speaking. Hehe.

I'm not gonna kick it with Ryan tonight. He and his friends are going to this one guy's house and I sooo don't wanna see that guy. See, we used to date each other and after we stopped he all of a sudden became a punk ass towards me. I don't even know what I did to him. We broke up on good terms... err I think? I don't remember that was like two years ago. Why is it that I can't stay friends with guys I get involved with? Ack. Well Ryan is an exception of course. He's special. =)

*sigh* So I don't know what I'm doing tonight. Nothing I guess. How lame. =( Oh well...
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current time is 1:00:02 PM
Well I can safely say I thoroughly enjoyed my week of "vacation" so to speak. However next week I will be dedicating my time to job interviews and what not. A recruiter called me this morning setting up an interview with a company in Mira Mesa for the same pay I had before so I'm anxious about that one. Especially since it's in Mira Mesa and I won't have to fight my way through rush hour every morning and afternoon. I'll also be able to run errands and stuff during my lunch hour since everything is near me. Wish me luck on that one!

Ok now let me talk about what happened yesterday. Needless to say it was a disaster. I swear I jinxed myself. This is what happened. Ryan [my Florida ex], Ken, and Alvin arrived at my house around five or so. We were chillin in the living room and Ryan had to use the bathroom. I went with him cuz I had to get something in my room. So we started walking back together towards the living room when my 4year ex shows up at my front door. Shit! Well to make a long story short there was a bunch of yelling done between me and him and a little pushing and shoving because freakin' Jason kept calling my cell! My ex kept trying to grab the phone from me. So anyway, Ryan thought he was gonna like hit me or something so he went outside, pulled me back into the house and told my ex to leave. I didn't want anything to go down between them two so I told Ryan to go back inside while I calmly spoke to my ex. He wouldn't reason with me so I just told him to leave and he did furiously.

I went inside and all three were all quiet as if they were assigned detention or something. I sat down next to Ryan and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek since I haven't seen him in so long. After that everyone started to act normal again. Hehe. He hasn't changed one bit. He still looks the same, acts the same, uses the same lingo. The same silly guy I got attached to last summer. Of course I don't have those kinda feelings for him anymore. That's ancient history. Aaanyways, we went down to south side to chill at one of our friend's houses since they were going to stay there overnight anyway. I didn't want them to have to take me all the way back to Mira Mesa so I drove seperately. Ryan rode with me of course. =) I think he was about to piss in his pants by the way that I was driving down the freeway. Haha what a wuss. Relax guys! Not ALL women are bad drivers!

I'm not sure what the plans for tonight are. I know they're gonna come get me but I don't know where we're going. They want me to go with them to the friendship games tomorrow but I don't know if I'll be able to go. I haven't been in a very "friendly" mood lately. Haha. I feel so bad for what I've been doing to Jason lately. I've been ignoring him for the past two days and he's really mad at me. Maybe I'll pick him up and take him out.. my treat this time. *sigh*... Ok well I'm going now.. bye.
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10.19.2000

current time is 3:03:43 PM
I'm sitting here in my underwear, make up all done, and I can't leave my house. Why? They're freakin' repaving my road so I can't drive anywhere. Ryan [Florida guy] is gonna have to park at the end of the block and walk here or something. I'm supposed to pick up my brother at 3 and I can't get a hold of him because Pagers Unlimited [his paging company] is fucking up and is causing his pages to go to some other person's pager. Fucking losers. I hate Pagers Unlimited. They fucking ripped me off dude. When I disconnected my pager she told me I still had to pay 7 bucks for this month. I said ok, I'll just keep my pager until this month is up. Then all of a sudden my number is already disconnected?! WTF? I paid for this fucking month. So I called them back and they said that I didn't specify I that I wanted to keep it till the end of the month and that I had to pay a 10 dollar reconnection fee. FUCK THAT! Fucking bastards.

I got my new number for my cell. I don't want to give it to anyone yet though because my phone is still charging and I wanna mess around with it a bit before people start calling me. Eeek I'm so excited I finally got the phone I want with the plan I want. I'm tired of Sprint PCS. Those lamers always get my bill wrong. Trying to charge me twice for a cigarette lighter adapter that I paid way too much for in the first place. Stupid ass samsung phone that broke for no apparent reason. No warranty on the phone either! Bastards.

Well I haven't talked to Jason all day. What a surprise. He usually calls me everyday in the morning in between classes. I think he's still mad that I'm gonna be kickin it with Ryan today. He's also mad that he doesn't have my new number yet. Haha he thinks I was lying when I said I didn't know my cell number yet. He's all "yeah right you just don't wanna give it to me." Hahah what a dork. I'm not longer irritated at his drama. It just kinda makes me laugh since it's so pointless.

Alrighty then... that's all for now. Bye!
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current time is 12:52:41 PM
AWWWW YEAAAHHHH!!! My blog works now gahdamnit. Ugh last night I was about to pick up my monitor and throw it out the window because it would not fucking log me in. As you can see if you scroll down.. my frustration. Hehe. Well I'm glad it works now and I'm glad it didn't affect my hostees so it's all good now. The only thing left to do is send Jason my check and switch servers for the FINAL TIME! If you guys were confused as to what was happening, let me explain:

Communitech is going to close down my site soon. I'm not sure when. So, I took it upon myself to search for a new hosting company. I found a great one with great rates so I got all anxious and put down my credit card without carefully thinking. I had switched my nameservers [which basically means I made my domain point to their server instead of Communitech's] and when everything was final, I went to upload my site to the new host. THEN I realized OH SHIT I DON'T HAVE EXTRA FTP ACCOUNTS SO NOW MY HOSTEES CAN'T UPLOAD THEIR PAGES! Doh! So I quickly switched the nameservers back to Communitech for the time being so that our sites won't be down. My hostees didn't know what was going on.. err I don't think.. so sorry guys. Everything is back to normal NOW... but I expect some more turbulence coming maybe in a week or so. This is pissing me off.

Well I'm just waiting for my Florida ex to arrive. He called me a few minutes ago and said he was near Cali so they should be here in the next few hours. They're crazy.. I can't believe they drove all the way across the country. I haven't taken a shower yet because my hot water is off. Yesterday when I got out of the shower my hot water wouldn't turn off so I had to turn off the water heater. Man this sucks. I'm gonna have to climb up top the washer again and turn that filthy knob. Bleh!

I'm starving. I'm gonna go get something to eat. Bye!
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current time is 12:37:08 PM
Aight let's see if this shit will post today...
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current time is 12:56:33 AM
Ok here is my last entry that I didn't get to "blog" and instead had to post manually:

For some reason that's pissing the shit out of me, my FTP won't work on blogger. So, I have to manually upload this blog entry. So technically it's not a blog entry. Ugh how ancient huh? Just kidding. Let's just hope my FTP will let me upload this one by myself. If doesn't then I'm going to run rampant through the streets of Mira Mesa. This whole nameserver change is getting on my last nerve. I'm so mad at myself. I want to apologize to my hostees for any irritation this may have caused them too.

I bought a new phone today. It's a Nokia 5190. I know everyone and their momma has this phone but so what. I like the clarity of the reception. I also liked the plans a lot better than Sprint's. Oh, and my other phone, the Samsung 3500... well it sucks ass. Anyway, my phone is charging right now and I don't have the number yet because the computers at the store crashed. He'll call me either tonight or tomorrow with my brand new cell number! Woohoo. Oh and since I'm disconnecting my Sprint phone anyway, if you wanna call me, the number for that phone is 858-829-4431. Haha I'm such a psycho for posting my number on the web but it doesn't matter since it will be disconnected soon anyway.

What else is new... oh one of my ex bfs is going to visit me tomorrow. He lives in Florida and he and his friends are going to visit San Diego for the weekend and then they're going to LA for the rest of next week. I'm pretty anxious to see him. I haven't seen him in over a year. I wonder if he looks the same...? He was always one of the special ones to me. I've dated many guys while my ex and I were "off" but he stood out from the rest of them. He was really serious about me, yet he wasn't always up on my nuts every minute of the day. I liked that about him. He gave me the right amount of attention. It's just too bad he moved to the other side of the country.

I'm feeling much better by the way. I told you I'd be fine in two days tops. Heck it hasn't even been two days. So stop worrying about me k? I hope my ex doesn't unexpectedly come by tomorrow while my other ex is here. It's supposed to be our 4 year anniversary and I dunno, he tends to do crazy things like that. I would be so assed out if my Florida ex was here, then my 4 year ex came, and Jason came. Blah! What a disaster.

Well I better go now. Talk to you whenever my FTP works again!
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current time is 12:30:56 AM
OHHH K. for the last time let's see if this works.
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10.18.2000

current time is 10:45:03 PM
GRrRrrr...! Work damnit!
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current time is 10:34:32 PM
Ok let's see if this works.
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current time is 10:13:15 AM
Oh damn it's acting normal again. Cool. I'll write my blog later.
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10.17.2000

current time is 11:20:43 AM
I wasn't even going to write this entry because I have too much pride to admit when I get weak. After much consideration I decided this is the best way to release all this negative energy in me. Right when I posted the last entry I turned off my computer, walked out into my empty living room, laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. I thought of all the things I could do and places I could go to get my mind off of everything and I could not think of one place. Great. I'm stuck here home alone with nothing to do.

Last night I felt heartache. It's a kind of pain that's unimagineable because there is nothing in the world you can do to stop it. It's been a while since I've been heartbroken. Sure, I've cried many times with the ex, but that wasn't heartache, it was more like frustration. Last time I remember being heartbroken was back in 1998 when my ex cheated on me. With the type of person I am, it is sooo not a pretty feeling. I wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy.

You know what I brought this on myself. It isn't the fault of anyone's except mine. A couple months ago when my ex and I finally broke up I promised myself that I would not get involved with anyone under any circumstances. It's funny that I hate broken promises and I just broke my own. I should have known better. I know perfectly well that when I start to like someone, the feeling grows very rapidly and even though I know I shouldn't, I can't help but get attached. I know when a situation isn't good, yet I dive into it head first. Just like I said to him.. "I guess I expect too much."

I was talking to my friend last night and he gave me a good piece of advice. Learn to take things at face value sometimes rather than analyzing the shit out of it. Well he didn't exactly say it like that but that's my version. I assume things all too often. I jump to conclusions and let my imagination do my thinking for me. I have a habit of searching for a hidden meaning in people's words. Maybe because it's often my words have some sort of hidden meaning. Sometimes even when I hear the truth for myself I refuse to believe it and think up some hidden meaning behind it just to make myself feel better. It's time for me to suck it up and realize that the truth hurts sometimes and there ain't a damn thing I can do about it. I can't do this any longer. I can't let myself feel this way anymore. I don't like being heartbroken so I am going to avoid it at all costs. No relationships, no boyfriends, no FTFs, no dating, no NOTHING for me. I don't even want to think about guys right now. I don't want it to seem like I can only rely on other people to bring me my happiness.

Usually when I'm feeling down I like to go to the mall and spend money. Sadly, I don't have much money to spare since I lost my job. And, if I still had my job, I'd be able to work and get my mind off of him. But nope, I don't have a job either. No job, no money, what is a girl to do? I guess I have to get over him cold turkey. It'll take a couple days, but trust me I'll be ok. I probably won't be online as much anymore. Well, because of the server transfer I'm probably only going to be on reactivating all my hostees' accounts. Besides that, you won't be seeing me around the net as often as you're used to. I've decided to give up posting here since that was the root of all my heartbreak anyway. I also took his name off my buddy list. Out of sight, out of mind right? *sigh* Let's hope.
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current time is 10:20:22 AM
I don't have anything to say today.
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10.16.2000

current time is 10:05:40 AM
Good morning from home. *sigh* I'm starting to feel the aftermath of being unemployed. A whole day ahead of me and I have no clue what to do. A recruiter called me this morning offering me a postion nearby but it's as a front desk receptionist! Eh! No way dude I hung up that apron a long time ago. AND she wanted me to start working like.. today. Na uh I don't want to work today. I want to finally get the vacation I deserve! Haha. Really though I was looking forward to having at least a week off before I dive into the work force again. Call me picky, because.. well yeah I am picky.

Last night I could have sworn I had so much to do today. Now I can't even remember. I have an emptiness feeling inside. I should be sitting at my desk at work typing this entry out! Ack! Sorry for being so freakin' dramatic about the whole thing. That's just how I am when a drastic change happens in my life. Work was my life. Work was part of my daily routine and now it's different ya know? Ughh I soo need to get over it already. How come I can get over guys in a matter of hours but I can't get over work [something I usually despised] for the life of me?? Damnit my head needs to be examined. DAMNIT I don't have any health insurance. Doh! Haha.

A while ago Kristine posted an entry about common grammatical errors. Well when I was watching the Miss America pageant I noticed some of the ladies speaking incorrectly. For example "My father always took my sister and I fishing when I was little." It may sound right but it's WRONG! How do I know this? The sentence is inconsistent. If you remove the "my sister" part of the sentence you're left with "My father always took I fishing when I was little." Does that make sense? Hah. Thought so. It would have been correct if she said "My sister and I went fishing with my father when I was little." Then, if you leave out the "my sister" part again you're left with a correct sentence. "I went fishing with my father when I was little." Get it right folks, it's not that hard.

Well I'm gonna get started on my day now. Talk to you when I get home. Bye!
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10.15.2000

current time is 9:09:02 PM
Ok I've purchased my new webspace through a different host. All of PhayzeONE will be in the process of moving in the next couple of days. This may cause some of our sites to be unavailable for a day or two. Do not be alarmed! We're not going anywhere so you shouldn't either k!?!?
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current time is 2:30:50 PM
Pardon my last post. It was said out of anger of course. Don't get me wrong, the post is absolutely true, but I apologize for the vulgarity of it.

I haven't done a damn thing all day long. I haven't even eaten breakfast or lunch. Well, if you count mini reese's peanut butter cups a meal, then ok I ate something. I'll probably end up going out somewhere and getting a bite to eat because I think I need the fresh air. Being locked up in my room all day hasn't helped my mood. If Jason were home I'd go to his house right now except I think he's at church or something. Bummer. Alone again.

Napster has been very good to me lately. I think I've downloaded six or seven songs already. Mind you I have a 56K connection [but it's really only 27.2K when I did this online test] and it takes about 15-20 minutes to download a song. Yeah yeah... I think the record highest rate I've downloaded at was 4.5k/s. I sooo need a broadband connection. Right now I'm downloading "Your Baby Never Looked Good In Blue" by Exposé. It sounds like a country song but it's an old school pop song. A friend and I sang it at one of our middle school talent shows.

My pager bill is due tomorrow. Should I pay it? I don't really need my pager anymore and no one even pages me. It sits at the bottom of my purse turned off all the time anyway. I use it solely for time keeping purposes. The only thing that's holding me back is old friends who might have my pager # as their only contact number for me. Hmm.. and plus I really like my pager number cuz it's easy to remember. Hehe.. if you want to page me my # is 619-999-9791.

Four days left until my supposed four year anniversary. It's going to be weird... even though I haven't spoken to my ex in a week or so. Come to think of it I don't even remember when the last time I spoke to him was. I'm getting along just fine without him in my life. I don't miss him one bit. But I feel like a failure at times. We had something going on for a long time and we failed at trying to keep it alive. Four years gone down the drain. Four years of my life that I dedicated to the relationship. We thought many times that we would last a long long time. We'd always say "Hey, we never thought we'd make it to 1 year or 2 years so I'm sure we'll make it to 4 or 5." Hah. We were wrong. We didn't make it to four.

If any of you have the new Mya CD, please listen to track 14. It's called "Can't Believe". The lyrics pretty much sum up my mood right now. It doesn't have anything to do with my ex. It has to do with the *someone* I always talk about. And no, it's not Jason either. Just listen to the song. It's pretty.

Well anyways you won't be reading anymore morning blogs from work. I'm not going to drag myself out of bed at 8am if I don't have to just to post a blog entry. Hehe. I'm going to enjoy the time I have off and finish up all my errands that I couldn't do while I was working. However I don't think I will lower my car just yet since my financial future is still uncertain. There is a possibility that I may have to sell my car or return it. Eek. Yeah that's gonna do wonders on my credit history. Let's just hope that I won't have to do that.

Ok this entry is getting long and I have to search the newspaper for a new job. Bye.
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current time is 12:37:53 AM
I feel so fucking used.
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